Statistics show that 82.3% of African American children born in the U.S. since 1990 will not live in the same household as their biological fathers before they graduate high school. As a result, these children are affected by this harsh reality and lead lives of deep resentment, sadness, hate and anger towards the father that didn’t want to stay around.
Director Janks Morton took it upon himself to film Dear Daddy, a documentary about the life long effects of fatherlessness on women. The film follows the dramatic journeys of eight young women from the city streets of Washington, DC, between the ages of 14-24, as they struggle to overcome poverty, poor educational systems, no healthcare, and the most difficult life circumstance they have been dealt…the absence of their fathers.
Morton takes these young women through 4 phases: letter writing, letter reading, an intervention session and finding their father. Watch the trailer for this heartbreaking documentary. Props to Morton for making positive moves on the issue, but….
HOW CAN WE FIX THIS BLACK SINGLE MOTHER/FATHER STATISTIC?
For more info on how you can help Janks Morton in his mission to get his documentary to movie theaters, visit and/or donate to his cause on IndieGoGo.com/DEAR-DADDY.
Heartbreaking….wow
*smh* Stuff like THIS needs more comments.
Sad reality.
Did she just say Fava? with a V…? lol
Ultimately, women have the final word. You set the rules, and men play by them. While I consider a man who would abandon his seed the scum of the earth, it is the woman who sets precedence for the level of value and respect. Spin it how you want but if I found myself harboring an unwanted child, and I wasn’t raped, I would either be an idiot or feel like one. They should show this young lady’s mother not only for a balanced perspective, but also to trace the pathology.
this ain’t nothing new…lol
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Let me tell you. I am a father and husband and it is not easy. I was raised in a no parent household (no father or mother) by my grandmother. I totally understand why fathers don’t stay. The mothers don’t make it easy. To me it almost seems as if they try to drive the father off. And the mothers get encrouagement to become a single mother from others. I know this from personal experience
There are usually two things a black man can say or feel he can say to discharge him of his parental duties:
1. She’s a hoe
2. That bitch is crazy.
So where are the comments about black men choosing better partners?
What about the dad’s that do take care of there children? Someone please write a story about that. I’m a proud single father that is taking care of a 9 year old little girl. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The statistics are alarming but again someone please write a happy ending for the fathers that are there for there kids.
Well its all about foundation its never too late to start teaching your sons the proper way to live life..some will do as they please but the ways of the streets is no way to live..go to schoool get your education seek God be somebody in life.
It takes two to tango and women need to bear responsibility for their careless decisions. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to pinpoint a guy who is inadequate. I have been approached by so many guys and none of them gets the time of day from me. I have focused on getting a career first. A responsible woman will find a responsible man.
While it is true that it takes two to tango, not every situation is like that. I still say ‘Amen” to your comment.
While I agree with you totally that some women need to do better to look for men who can offer them something, the situation within the Black community is really just sad. There are soooo many issues at play and it isn’t soo simple to say “get your shit together and its your fault” our women have a lot of self esteem issues that come from living in a White man’s country where their Black beauty is devalued, where many Black men are in jail leaving few viable options for young women. You add to the fact that many young women who make poor decisions about the men in their lives also likely came from broken homes themselves and the issue much bigger. Yes women need to make better decisions but where do they learn how to make such decisions if their communities and homes are broken?
@Dean…I agree with you all the way…When I saw the question…the first thing came to my mind was….women need to be more responsible with whom they choose to be their sperm donor…stop having kids by every tom, dick and pookie…its ridiculous…you can tell if a guy wants to be a father and if he’s going to be a good father…stop jump’n into bed with every1..the process of dating or courting as as the old ppl say has gone out the window!
Not every situation is like that. But many are. Actually, in Washington, DC I feel that this situation is a common occurrence. Many people have unprotected sex, get pregnant and/or infected with HIV and then have a baby that they don’t want. As a result, many children grow up depressed, dejected, and sick. Visit CDC.com for all the statistics on the HIV rate in DC, the unwed mother rate in DC, and the illnesses of African-American children in DC. It’s higher than any other state. (And DC’s not even a state!) Also check for the crime rate in that city. It’s ridiculous. If men and women would protect themselves while having sex, stories like this would decrease dramatically.
I don’t have control over a broken community. I don’t have control over a broken man. I don’t have control over “ignant” men degrading and devaluing women. But I do have control over MYSELF. Every situation is different but what has become the “norm” used to be the exception. Women must find strength and beauty within in themselves. A man can’t do what you won’t let him do. And if he takes it by force, then there is prison.
In some that may be true…but I thought I did it right. I met someone we were friends, got married and then had a child. I was 33 when I had my only child. I was so scared. I had a beautiful baby boy. when he was 4, I found out he was ADHD..his father counldn’t handle his emotional problems and left…my question to you is..was that my fault? I did what I needed to do, take care of my son. I had to leave work and become a stay at home mom for 12 years in order to help my son. My son is going to be 18 and doing so much better and is about to go to college in a year. But because his father left he don’t even know how great his son is…he’s never been in trouble, no drugs and have never dated..I think he’s ahead of the game…I thank God for him…not all men are like this and I look forward to getting married to the right man one day…
YES!
@Dean- These black women need to stop spreading and close their legs and open their minds. I don’t know why she is crying bc if she knew him, I am sure she wouldn’t even respect him and probably would be like her mother emasculating him as most black mothers do. She is crying now but I am sure she will pick a dirty man to procreate with so she can continue and live out her hate for men by emasculating him and chasing him away.
@ Dean: You said it all, especially in your second comment. You know what would be an interesting study? The probability of a deadbeat guy having multiple kids with different women. That should quickly reveal, especially for the black community, that it’s the same type of men and women picking each other. There are many other reasons these fatherless children exist — from bitter ransom to self validation and “good hair.” This young lady calls her father “favar,” and that just about tells me all I need to know.
@DEan,
AGREED!
I totally agree. I am a seventeen yr. old black girl who has never met her father and personally I could care less. My mother did a superb job raising. I have/will never use my father’s absence as an excuse to not take responsibility for my actions.
Dean your statement is what the majority is in the black community; but there are a small amount of people who do it correctly. Such as “TrueAngels”. BUT for the most part you said it the way that it is. We as women need to get our education, career, live before getting MARRIED; and date LONGER. I believe when you date longer; a person’s true colors will show. Check out how a man treats his family, if he is angry all the time, etc. That spells issues, issues he needs to get straightened out before getting into a relationship; and women need to do the same.
I think this is why the cycle will always continue, men are just simply not being held to higher standards. That’s why you have these black/hispanic men who go on the Maury show calling these women hoes and out of their name because they feel the responsibility lies MAINLY on the women just like the majority of the black community….then you guys continue to scratch your heads wondering why black women are generally angry and bitter.
Other cultures hold men to much higher standards than woman when it comes to keeping a family together.
I think the black church has failed our community, they seem to look down on others and only care about those who give $ to their church.
Black churches needs to get out and be more involved. Do more outreach, hold rallies and festivals where they promote & teach abtinence as well as safe sex and do with kindness not the whole “You’re going to hell if you do this or that”, and lastly promote family, marriage and responsibility.
First, my heart truly goes out to this young woman. I can only hope that with time her heart can heal.
About the epidemic, it all goes back to sexual responsibility. While sex might be “casual,” some of its consequences surely aren’t. I’d think long and hard about who I decided to have unprotected sex with, who I decided to become a parent with, and to, because you’re making a decision that impacts a bloodline. Just because you’re ready to have sex doesn’t mean you’re ready to be a parent. And, in the long run, it’s always the children that suffer. It’s as simple as making the decision to be a responsible person no matter what or wear a condom. I really don’t understand what’s so difficult about it. Since women often bear the burden of parenthood alone, I would caution them to give some thought to whether they would want the man they’re sleeping with to be their child’s father or whether they’d want to have a long lasting relationship (for the sake of the child) with that person. Most importantly, they need to assess whether their mate is ready to be a father, willing to take responsibility for their actions. As my grandmother always says, everything that looks good ain’t good.
Amen.
definitely, I think about these very questions myself as a young woman. The bottom line is if a man doesn’t have the same goals as I do or wants the same things out of his life then why waste my time? Mind you, its easier said than done because while that is the logic, the truth of the situation many factors mediate male-female sexual interaction including issues around self esteem, gender and power etc…
This was really sad. I absolutely felt her pain and I know exactly how she feels. This bought tears to my eyes.
Damn that was deep. I am actually crying at my desk. My heart aches for her.
Wow. I will support this work.
there’s a special place in hell for ‘men’ who don’t take care of their seed
How about the women who have unprotected sex? They bring this on also.
How about when a father does want to take care of his kid, but does not for the “simple fact” that the mother makes it so damn difficult to do so. I this for fact because it is me. I go to get my daughter and for some strange reason, she is not home or, her number changed or she has gone out of town, things of that sort. Its gets old and i want to be apart of her life as her apart of mines…what then easier said than done!
This is truly sad and what makes it sad is the low life men and women who desert their kids. Women need to be careful as to who they lay down with. Condoms are made for a reason, use them. A real man takes care of the kids no matter what the relationship is with the mother. A real woman puts the thought of her unborn children first. 5 minutes of pleaseure can equal a life of hardship.
This is BULLSHIT….what about the kids who’s parents stay together for the better of the children and wish that they would just end their (The Childs) misery! I mean yeah you Love your parents but don’t say your hanging in there for the kids when being around each other is proving to be volatile for them and you.
Tre Willz, while it does hurt the children to have parents who stay together for the “good” of the kids, I don’t think that is what this director is trying to show. We’re talking about deadbeat dads, those who don’t talk to their children, seem to not even care what happens to their children. I don’t think parents should stay in bad situations for the supposed betterment of their kids, but fathers can’t drop off the face of the earth just because they can’t stand the ‘baby mama’
I agree w/ Dean & Sam. As a woman, I am careful who I allow in my life, and especially in my body. There are situations where Husbands walk out on families, but I’m sure it’s not a husband who makes up the largest part of the absentee father in this statistic. Women should require more for themselves and think past the moment. Sex is not food, air or water, and thus not a basic need for survival. Self-control must be exercised and while it is hard, it’s much harder to raise children alone.
eVEN WITH ALL THAT A MAN CAN STILL DECIDE TO LEAVE. just because one becomes a single mom does not mean they always were.
Thanks GoldenLady! @Katie: Yes a man can deceive but that should be few and far between what is happening today! Fathers abandoning their children is the “norm”, it is the “rule”. When is this going to be the exception? When is it going to be: 80% of men raise their children and 20% abandon their children?
Heartwrentching but so important. This film seems to only discuss cases where the absent father left his children and they struggled economically, whuch I’m sure happens more times then not but what abt those that had hardworking Mamas who provided everything and made sure they’re kids never went without? I think I’d like to see a study on how those kids father’s absence affect them, just as much as those who struggled economically. Two working parents who stay together can still struggle economically to raise their kids, but the issue here is abandonment and how kids cope with it, how its affected them socially. I am one of these cases and would love to see some stats done that includes everyone from economically stable to struggling. I will definitely support this work, I’m from DC too so this interests me on many levels.
These children still suffer and struggle. My husband was raised by my father in law from 3 months old. He is a wonderful supportive daddy, granddaddy, and father in law. But I have seen my husband cry over his natural father many times, despite having a real ‘daddy’. He was upset this morning b/c his little brother about 12 years younger who he DID raise, has now abandoned his baby, and his natural father phoned him and asked him to talk to him about it. My husband will be angry the rest of the weekend and this is a man in his mid-30s. The sense of abandonment never, ever goes away. I cannot sympathize. My parents are still together and my daddy’s always been there for me.
This hits SO close to home…especially when she said he’s living with his girlfriend raising her kids and treating them like they his! Brothas and mothers that don’t take care of and raise their OWN children (if theyre abled mind and body) should be thrown in jail!
Hate to add more burden to schools, but they have greater access to kids on daily basis and homes are falling short. As a result of homes falling short, society at large is suffering, and I feel schools and churches can help. Its all about changing the way people think that will change behaviors. Schools could have classes in civility, how to deal with anger, how to co-exist, racial tolerance, respect, honor of family and responsibility, obligation, work ethic, manners, law abiding, etc. There needs to be a specific class named social civics or social civility taught in middle and high schools to help prepare kids to be released into sociaety at large. Churches need to do the same in Sunday school classes with emphasis on marriage, less glorification of sex. The glorification of sexual promiscuity leads to uncaring people about the consequences of sex. We have alot more control over our bodies if we choose to exert it. Black women especially can stop allowing a man to sex her and impregnate her without commitment and this is why we are adversely affected with such a staggering rate of 82.3% compared to other races that have higher rates of marriage. Its a sad norm in the black community to be with a man for years making babies and he be allowed to never maary you, meaning her wants to be able to walk away without hassle of divorce. His not committing to you is more os a selfish convenience for him as he will date a girl from another race that will expect him to marry her and he does. We have lowered our expectations as black women and that is what we are getting, devalued. Teaching inner city or girls period to respect their bodies and expect commitmemnts as a norm will help to change this behavior trend. These are great opportunities during the mind molding stages in a child’s life.
You are a very bitter Blackwoman and you have serious control issues,no real blackman unless he is a spiritual homsexual would sign that d*mn marriage contract.
hezekiah..what are you talking about, I didnt even mention marriage contract?
Dean I have to disagree with your comment. Throughout history women have had to deal with society blaming them for their poor choices in men being the reason they’re left to riase their kids alone….what in the heck does that have to do with the fathers walking out on”their” responsibilty (Some mothers too)? Most women that have had these children with losers at some point saw themselves being with that man. Come on…..women have been making bad choices in men since day one, but by no means does that justify men walking out….it has nothing to do with them not taking care of and being a parent to that child. Bottom line..there is NO excuse. Unless you’re physically or mentally incapable….anyone who agrees with that philosophy must not have children….or a heart!
I AGREE COMPLETELY!
Right on. That’s what I was trying to say. It is the responsibility of both, men need to step up to the plate more, and women need to be not so naive.
I agree sunflower! Why do the women always get blamed. Most of these males start out right when they’re in a relationship with the mother then when that relationship goes sour that male goes M.I.A. And regardless of who should have known better. That child didnt ask to be here. And u know that u have a child or children. Why is it a woman’s fault that a man doesnt act right ? Dammitt take care of ur children. Love is free children dont remember fancy clothes. Memories of being there, spending time, being dependable is wat they want . However dnt get me wrong finances are very important too. But I will tell u from experience money isnt everything. love and time is want I needed. I will support that trailer and I hope it gets out. And maybe just maybe sum of those males would see the impact they have left on their children. God Bless :>)
I respect your opinion just as you should respect mine. No need to try to look through my computer screen to see if I have children or a heart.
I am not absolving men of their responsibilities. They are wrong for leaving their children. But we as women should be honest with ourselves and each other. And the truth is something has to change. If men are not going to change, then we need to position ourselves where we are not the victims of “losers”. How? Education…Not being flattered everytime some guy complements you (because as soon as you pass by he is going to say the same thing to the next girl)…Using protection…and so on and so on.
Call me heartless if you want to, but I’m not dealing with baby daddy drama. I can focus on things that will better me as a person (and in turn better my children), such as learning a new language, volunteering, traveling the world, etc.
How about when a father does want to take care of his kid, but does not for the “simple fact” that the mother makes it so damn difficult to do so. I this for fact because it is me. I go to get my daughter and for some strange reason, she is not home or, her number changed or she has gone out of town, things of that sort. Its gets old and i want to be apart of her life as her apart of mines…what then easier said than done!
Again without typos:
Hate to add more burden to schools, but they have greater access to kids on a daily basis and homes are falling short. As a result of homes falling short, society at large is suffering, and I feel schools and churches can help. Its all about changing the way people think that will change behaviors. Schools could have classes in civility, how to deal with anger- which helps w/the violence problem, how to co-exist, racial tolerance, respect, honor of family and responsibility, obligation, work ethic, manners, law abiding, etc. There needs to be a specific class named social civics or social civility taught in middle and high schools to help prepare kids to be released into society at large. They have done this with the DARE and antibullying campaigns. Churches need to do the same in Sunday school classes with more emphasis on marriage education to teens. Less glorification of sex. The glorification of sexual promiscuity leads to uncaring people that have become complacent about the consequences of sex which was created to be shared between a man and woman that chose to commit to each other in marriage. Having a baby is not wrong, having sex outside marriage is wrong. That is why God wrote it that way because he knew this would happen when we dont. God’s laws are there to help protect us as we can see how not doing so hurts us. Even accounting for divorces, overall people and societies that marry more have better outcomes compared. We have alot more control over our bodies if we choose to exert it. Black women especially can stop allowing a man to sex her and impregnate her without commitment and this is why we are adversely affected with such a staggering rate of 82.3% compared to other races that have higher rates of marriage. Its a sad norm in the black community to be with a man for years making babies and he be allowed to never marry you, meaning he wants to be able to walk away without the hassle of divorce and he does. His not committing to you is more of a selfish convenience for him as he will date a girl from another race that will expect him to marry her and he does, meaning he could have if he wanted to all along. Just as we singlehandedly changed the way men approach us now- now they give us their number, when back in the day they would always ask for our numbers first. We, women, changed that and we can do the same with sex and expecting exclusivity leading to marriage, especially before we engage in sexual activity. Let that man know on the first few dates when he brings up sexual hints to pick you out, just after meeting you, that you have to be in a committed relationship before any sex talk happens to nip that in the bud and if he walks, then you know he was going to walk after he sexed and impregnanted you, now you helped to minimize the risk of this happening to you. Decline his cheap offer to go to his place or yours to watch a movie, you can watch a movie on your own tv. They just want to increase their opportunity to get to have sex with you, again without any commitments. Their minds are constantly thinking how to get you and your mind need to match it up how not to get caught up in his plans and make him refocus on if he really wants to get to know you as a person and or he just wants a sex organ. When they ask you to have their baby, tell them you are not their plantation breeder, want you to have their baby but not good enough to marry you, boy please. We have lowered our expectations as black women and that is what we are getting, devalued. Teaching girls, especially targeting black girls to have higher respect for their bodies and expect commitments as a norm will help to change this behavior trend. These are great opportunities during the mind molding stages in a child’s life. Its not too late to turn this around even for adults. We have to do as men do, when it dont work out on those first few dates, keep it moving and interview a new crop of suitors and weed them out over and over and statistically, one will be the charm and that’s the one you want, the one that made the cut.
I think instead of ‘seeing’ yourself w/ a man, you should ‘be’ w/ him and know that both of you in a committed relationship before allowing yourself to become impregnated. And I personally do mean marriage by commitment. A woman cannot become pregnant on her own and ultimately she bears the responsibility for carrying and birthing the child. At the same time, a man cannot impregnate a woman who does not allow him to do so. So while a man is certainly NOT absolved of his responsibility, to prevent more and more of our black youths from being like the young lady in the video, someone has to STOP the process and WOMEN have the power to do so by not becoming pregnant by these types of men.
This was kindly @ Lola Sunflower & Mamacita
If what you say is true then I pose this questionwhat about the women that marry these men and when the marriage doesnt work out, the men still leave? Heres a situation where everything you said a woman is suppose to do before she decides to procreate, she did. She made sure he was responsible, he had a job, loved his mother and appeared to love her and be a great catch. Now the marriage didnt work out and the man leftleft EVERYTHING he created behind. So now what???? Which is why I say your comment doesnt excuse or provide a basis for your argument. Women and men alike will continue to make the wrong choices with mate selectionits the nature of life, but that has NOTHING to do with each of them taking care of the product of that relationship. Case and pointmy brother in law was married to my sister in law for over 10 years. They had two children togetherthe baby girl is now 15. This is the child he BEGGED his wife to have. Needless to say the marriage didnt last long after and hes totally abandoned his responsibilities as a father to that girl. Hes now moved on to another relationship in which that woman has kids (three all with different daddys) and hes playing an ACTIVE father role in those kids lives. His daughter the one he had with his wife is now stuck having to deal with life without a father! Now give me an excuse for that!
By the way, I’m 39, celebrated 17 years of marriage this year, have three of my own children (all by the same man) and am now taking care of my niece who’s 15. So I’d like to think that I’ve got a little experience with this topic. And I don’t mean to come off as self righteous, but it just makes my blood boil to see stuff like this. I know first hand the emotional toll it plays on a child’s mind (a child) that is abandoned by their biological parents. So although I don’t have a solution…because it’s a mindset you must change and people that walk away just don’t care about anything but themselves…I say just put em’ in jail! If you don’t pay child support that’s what they do…I told my mother in law that…she laughed and said, “Damn, then we’d all be single!” SMH
Not trying to upset you…if you read my previous posts, you will see that I acknowledge situations like these, in addition to the fact that I state that these type of situations are not the majority, and state that regardless, no parent is absolved of their responsibility to a child. My mother when through this too w/ her first marriage and my sister. My sister, though raised by my father since 2.5 yrs still has abandonment issues. It’s unfortunate and sad, but you and I both know that many of these fatherless children were never the product of a married couple or even two parent home. This is where our community if failing.
Speaking from the perspective as a Black man this really is one of the most potent ills of our community. However, this, problem goes much deeper than we realize. First of all it starts with a racist, systematic, system that is designed to destroy the Black family. This system has waged war with us in a very subtle, yet not so subtle way. And number one on the list is The Black man. We, Black men, are at risk everyday, more than any other group, the minute we step out of our homes. The prospect of being gunned down by law enforcement, as well as by one of our own, is very high. This is a very covert war that we, as a people, are dealing with that some may pass off as non existent.
War takes on many faces. Whether it`s by way of imperialism, economically, socially, politically, racially, militarially, etc. The undertone and underlining objective is still the same. To mame, disarm, neutralize and to destroy the effectiveness of a single individual or a group of people by way of total annihilation. Let`s start with economics. The system is devised to keep the Black man from becoming and being a real man who takes care of his family by refusing him legitimate employment. So what does he do? He becomes involved in a life of crime that that leads him to kill his own people with staggering statistics by way of Black on Black crime. In our utter hatred for this oppressive system we strike out against our own as a symbol for the rage that we feel for oppressor.
Once we become involved in a life of crime then phase two begins to take affect. What is phase two? It is The American prison system, which is nothing more than modern day plantation. You see all of this is intertwined in a very covert way in order to keep The Black family from becoming a strong group with tremendous capability. Once The Brothas are herded into prison it leaves our women unprotected and unsupported, be it physically or mentally with no man around. Then that leads to another objective of the oppressive American society, which is war between the two genders.
As long as The system can keep us, men, and the women, at each others throat then The Black family/union continues to deteriote. You say why don`t we, brothas, stay in school and go to college to get an education? Well, college is not for everyone. And whether we know it or nor going to universities is also another form of slavery. How so, you may ask? Well it puts us in debt to a capatilistic system which many of us can`t afford. Just think of all the years it takes to repay the school loan, mortgage loan, car loan, etc. So you see, the entire system is designed to keep us forever in debt to The privately own banks. This is something that affects us more so than our white counterparts whether you believe it or not. You don`t think that they get much better interest rates than do we while being able to afford it much more? Sure they do. You don`t think that the banks ask for much nore collateral from us than they do our white counterparts while hoping that we default? It`s all a vivious game of survival with which we are faced as a people.
But getting back to us as Black men, we somehow have to become more conscious and responsible. If you`re not going to share the responsibility for you offspring then we need to make better choices. A child doesn`t deserve the psychological trauma of not having a father. I must admit that I don`t have the answer to save our people, I can only recommend suggestions in my humble attempt. The household is the childs` first nurturing ground after birth. I recommend you guys read, ‘Survival Strategies’ by Anthony T, Browder, as well as ‘The Cress Theory-The Meaning Of The Colors’ by Francis Cress Welsing. It breaks down to the bare minimal what we are dealing with as a people.
Peace, in the spirit of my ‘HERO’, Malcolm X
P.S. Perhaps I digressed but I only went where The Spirit led me…LOL!
I still say…what the heck does all that have to do with men and women alike not taking care of their kids man!!!! NOTHING…all that “stuff” you talk about should actually be an incentive to black men & woman to bare the burden even stronger. The fact that you have the world on your shoulders is one thing…the fact that you choose to walk away is another. Like I’ve said many times before, this is a situation I feel best communicated by parents, people raising other peoples kids or the kids themselves . When you don’t truly understand what it means to raise a child, then you just don’t have the full perspective. Once you start to look out of THEIR windows, trust and believe you WILL see things differently. It’s a shame. Everyone always wants to blame everyone and everything else except for whose really responsible. THEIR AIN’T NO EXCUSE FOR NOT TAKING CARE OF YOUR KIDS. I don’t care if you don’t have a job, society dealt you a bad hand (or whatever…the man), you didn’t have a father/mother, etc. Children are truly gifts from God and they are our future! Bottom line…
Malcolm X – you are all too right! Preach brotha. While many of our issues can be looked at on an individual or community basis, people have to know it is far deeper than that. It would be a dream come true to see my poeple realize their beauty and begin to love and uplift one another as we should.
peace and love
Jozy
god bless this little girl hopefully she have positive people in her life who can help her get through it. I come from a single parent home my mother married my father an then had me but after the divorce was over he was in my life a little bit an then after a couple of vists an some holidays he just stop coming the good thing is my mom never talked bad about him to me (which is a good thing) she let me form my on opinion I in up hating him through my childhood but when I became a teenager I started getting over him I would see him every now in then in a store an I would speak an it was weird because it was just like seeing an old friend not a father lol I forgiven him an moved on I still see him from time to time an its the same type of feelings just like seeing an old classmate lol u just have to forgive an move on im 31 years old now I considered my self bless because I have a lot of friends that came from single parent homes an their love lives and lives were afffect by it.
@LOLASUNFLOWER: I agree with you and I did demand that,we, Black men be more responsible. I speak from experience…my dad was a dead beat and there`s no way in hell I`d ever imitate him.
Peace unto you
The change has to start with us as females. You can choose who you love but you can choose who you open your legs to and when to do so. Majority of single parent homes are those of young teen moms who get pregnant by young (just because your age says adult doesn’t men your mind is there yet) men who aren’t ready for children. So they do what they think is the best solution, RUN AWAY. I’m not saying saying women are to blame, I’m saying we ALL need to make better choices. ‘SAFE SEX IS GREAT SEX/ BETTER USE A LATEX/ CUZ U DNT WANT THAT LATE TXT/ THT I THINK I’M LATE TXT’ (Lil Wayne)
you can’t* always choose who you love
Since when?
since when what?
you can always chose who you love. stop being irresponsible
Although I think that statistic seems extreme and is probably inaccurate, I do agree fatherlessness is the biggest issue in the black community. Part of being a good parent is picking the right person to have a child with. This is something that a very large percentage of black women are failing to do.
In addition to that not everyone needs to be a parent. People need to really evaluate themselves and ask whether they would make a great mother. Think about the quality of the relationship you’re in. Are you in a good socio-economic position? and do you have the skills,knowledge and qualities needed to be a mother.
I think many black women are being selfish and are not thinking about the quality of life they are giving their children. Yes many black men do have serious issues with fatherhood and family. However, black women we need to do better.
Know your worth! No babies before marriage.
The link to the study that validates the 82.3% claim (it is a longitudinal analysis so it is looking at from birth through age 18, will a child live in a single mother home-chart w/stat is on page 45)
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B3-naR9iawm2MTY4ZDVmZmQtZWI0MC00NDkzLTg0MjItMTE5MTQxZjk4MjAz&hl=en_US
if you are looking for present (annual) stat 49.6% of AA children are in single mother homes
http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2010.html
Janks ~ the filmmaker
Dont abort them if you do get pregnant, those kids still have a future and can overcome and become greatness like doctors lawyers scientist, and even President.
My heart aches for her… I am 36 and still feel like that sometimes. It causes so many other issues in your life as a woman. Please stop blaming mothers those of you that are. My mother married my father and he still left her to raise 3 GIRLS with no support. Family treated her like a black sheep because her husband left her and we were seen as less than because our father wasn’t around. We watched our mother struggle, and we struggled with her. She was abused and mistreated and made to feel like she was garbage because she had 3 kids and no man. It affects her to this day and she never got over it or remarried….My father left in 1979 and its 2011…. if he was standing in front of me I wouldnt recognize him. God Bless the Moms who raised us… damaged though we might be!! they got us past the worst and out to the world to try and make a place for ourselves.
@LOLASUNFLOWER- I agree with everything you’re saying 1000%!! It amazes me when women alike can put all of the blame on the women alone and continually make excuses for men that walk out on their kids! MEN and WOMEN both should step up to the plate and make better decisions when it comes to sex, commitment, relationships, and raising a child. But regardless of the mistake a woman makes- which I will point out that she also didn’t do alone- there is no reason for a father or even a mother, to neglect their responsibility to their child despite the circumstances of the childs conception! There are also dedicated single fathers out there too that go through this situation and they typically go unnoticed. Big ups to single fathers and single mothers!
I think they could have also taken the time to explore how this issue affects young men as well because one of the obvious sources of the particular issue of fatherlessness as well as irresponsible parenting is the cycle that fosters these habits…not saying that not having a father in your life, gives you an excuse to make the same mistake, but it does have an effect.
I think the best way to give ourselves a chance of having that intact family is by taking the dedicated interest in African American couples getting to know each other, because many of us are so focused on the sexual aspect of the relationship and rushing indepth in that relationship without realizing that fire is being lit a an increasing speed that has the high potential of blowing out really fast.
Just think, if we placed the same amount of dedication in really learning about our partners and educating ourselves on the experience of others, the lack of intact families amongst the black community would be a low percentage.
JUDAH Please tell me what you think about this.
ikr! he got something to say about everything else! chime in “brotha”!
my answer is GOD. until us as black folk stop depending on MAN for our needs, we will be in a mess. men and women play a role in the broken homes. we have gotten away from morals and values and until GOD is placed in the school systems, its not gonna work. self responsibility is so important. all this glam and fame is so minor but we would rather club and find our next baby momma and baby daddy. lust is a deadly killer and will continue to be until we wake up and realize these kids need us to stand up.
Damn *tears*
This problem goes way further back than the father or the mother, modern society, therapy, or any dating advice. I once heard an old man say that black people today, as a whole group, are suffering from a “Cultural PTSD,” and are struggling to love ourselves and others as a result. It’s been a vicious cycle that has been going on for generations. When society and messages in the media are showing us all, black men and black women, that we are not as beautiful, as smart, as talented, as capable, or nearly as valuable as other people, we grow up with a deep pain inside, a void. We have many different reactions to this — everything from violence and crime, unprotected sex, a need to look less black, or a need to go overboard making a huge point of being as ‘black and natural’ as possible in attempt to convince ourselves and others that we will not let the world bring us down. Doesn’t it all point to the void we have in our collective self-esteem? How can black families have fathers when stats show that most black men are in PRISON rather than in COLLEGE? How can black women feel as confident as white women, when society ignores us and puts us down, and we are rejected and passed over because many men, black/white/asian/or latino will NOT date black women? When you see those videos of the young black kids who say that they want a white barbie doll and not the black one, because the black doll is “ugly, mean, and stupid,” how can we expect this child to love herself and choose a partner who also is truly confident and healthy too and can one day raise a family that STAYS TOGETHER? I could go on and on and on. The problem started an extremely long time ago. It’s barely any better today. We’ve been struggling for a long time, and the last decade of a crumbling economy and crumbling education system have put us in an even deeper hole. 70% of black women are single. Only 1 in 7 black families has a father. 80% black women are overweight. Black wealth average is about 5K while whites and asians are over six figures. Our AIDS rates are sky high, dropout factories are failing black kinds, and nearly half of all murder victimes are blacks killed by other blacks. If a black boy is born TODAY, with no father, how likely is it that he will grow up with strong self-esteem and confidence, respect for others and himself, and a strong value for strong black women, and all women, and grow to become loving father and husband with absolutely zero self-hatred issues? Sadly the stats prove that chances are slim. If a black girl is born today, with no father, what are the chances she will know what kind of man to look for, and have no self-esteem issues of her own, and be able to eventually go on a raise a strong family? Chances are BETTER, but still, not nearly as high as it is for whites, because society has devalued the black woman more than anyone else in America. What men does she have to choose from? Not many. Our community needs a big giant hug and some support from therapists, so we can love ourselves more, and therefore be able to share our love with our community, and end the self-hatred, violence, unprotected sex, quitting school, deadbeat parenting, failing to VOTE, and fighting about light skin/dark skin/interracial mumbo jumbo. So many of us are still in pain, and still in denial about the state of ourselves. Life is not fair, but we are all creations of God, and we are all priceless and special and beautiful. I hope so badly one day we will learn to love ourselves, so that we can end this cycle of kids growing up in PAIN that haunts them and everything they do forever, and then repeats in the next generation. Easier said than done.
I agree. When you have articles such as…. Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?Why black women, but not black men? Published on May 15, 2011 by Satoshi Kanazawa in The Scientific Fundamentalist… that are passed as scientific facts and then you sit there and try to blame it on a girl or woman who has no idea why she feels her hair is not long enough, her skin is too dark or that using her brain to get ahead is wrong she must give it instead, then we are truely kidding ourselves. I also don’t blame the black males who are told on a constant basis that they are “studs” and that is all they have or will ever contribute to this screwed up society; I mean are we shocked? REALLY?
actually there are 1,236,443 black men in college
and 841,000 in jails, prisons, and other correctional facilities
If you manage to find the June issue (2011) of Ebony magazine, my article and my previous films debunk that urban legend
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2011/06/09/hoodwinked
@ What the Hell Ever…That article was riding on the coattails of black male criticism toward black women. White society brainwashes the public to believe their race is the most beautiful race, but not showcasing black beautiful women that we see on the regular. Black models are usually the nappiest headed ones they can find, not saying that’s all bad but wonder why they dont showcase the numerous black models. All thebeautiful black actresses they overlook, even someone like Stacey Dash or Lauren London if they were white, they would be front page everything, but they have Pippa as if she is a goddess. They tell you long enough the girl is cute and you will believe it. They will match black men to white women but wont put a hot black woman with a hot white man, there is resistance there..its not coincidental. White america has a history of dismissing the black race or other races for that matter and putting there is the forefront. The brainwashing works…black men voluntarily worship white women.
I am single no kids BUT I will NOT blame single women ONLY for this situation. Men need to raise their kids POINT BLANK PERIOD!!! Women can and should “pick” better mates and protect themselves BUT the man was there and didn’t protect himself either so again BOTH parties are to blame since that is what everybody wants to do. There is enough blame to go around but the kids are here and need BOTH parents.
I def. want to see the rest of this doc.
I couldn’t stop tearing, when is this airing?
I think the real problem is black women dont believe in marriage before babies, If we all practiced that more things would be alot different. And parents in the black community also need to teach their young sons that going around sleep with this chick and that chick, is not cool, alot of these teenage boys are becoming parents. And they are absolutely not ready for the responsibility so they do whats easiest. they walk away.
True, black men will marry if you make them. They will marry women outside their race as doon as they break uo with you and all the babies you kept having by them. ie: Lauryn Hill idiot.
Wow this video broke my heart. As I read some of the comments some of yall probably don’t know the struggle of even having to take care of children on your own let alone the fact that you grew up without your father. Some women don’t pick assholes to be their baby’s father. Some men over time change and by then it’s too late. My twin sister and I grew out without our father and we just met him almost two years ago and we are 23 years old now. We know the struggle and what it was like to not have our father there watching us growing up and just filling that role that we so greatly needed. We struggled, but if it was not for Jesus and our family and friends we would not be where and who we are today. We’ve graduated high school, graduated from college, no babies, no jail time, have jobs and are on the path to success. It was a struggle, but it does not have to be your life. Having other positive male figures in our lives helped get us through those times where we did need a father. I thank God everyday for my mom who did a hell of a job and I don’t blame her for the way that we had to grow up. What don’t kill you only makes you stronger.
Poor baby…. I guess it really depends on your situation growing up because in my household we were too well off to think about where is daddy at and why he aint there. Man she seems to be truly scarred behind her father being gone.
BLack PPL DO NOT LOVE THEMSELVE’S !!!!!THEY ARE SO UNCONNECTED WITH FACT’S INFORMATION ABOUT COMMUNITY BUILDING , AND WE TAKE THE BLESSING’S GOD GIVE ARE COMMUNITY FOR JOKE’S !!!!!!
LOOK AT THE NBA BROTHER’S , AND THE NFL BLACK BROTHER’S AND THE RAP COMMUNITY BLACK BROTHER’S…….. THEY ARE JOKE’S THESE BLACK MALE’S HAVE 6 AND 10 KID’S …AND THEN THESE BLACK FOOL’S MARRY WHITE MODLE’S AND abandon BLACK SISTER’S ….
AND WE THE BLACK COMMUNITY SUPPORT THIS BULL !!! Asiana ,indian ,WHITE european’s , jewish community’s, AND OTHER CULTURE’S TRY WORKING AND STAYING AND BUILDING religions, dance, music, architecture, food and customs FOR THEIR COMMUNITY’S BUT WE THE BLACK RACE CAN’T SEEM TO WAKE UP !!! BLACK PPL HAVE SO MUCH !!BUT WE ARE SO SELFISH
Why is there so much blame on the woman? Its not just a black thing either this happens in all races. I have seen white men who abuse their kids when the mom aint around. I have seen women abandon their kids and run off with other men while the dad had to take care of them.
Yes we can make better choices when we fuck around but lets be real, how many men are being a disrespectful asshole when we first meet them? Its not up until you say I’m pregnant that they start acting a fool.
I wish my dad wasnt in my life as a child because he was a very physically abusive man, to me my mom and all my brothers and sisters. Sometimes you gotta let them go and do whats best for the child in the long run
Most women that I see without the dad in their kids life were the type of women who felt that keeping the baby would keep the man. Get an abortion if you have to. I have been married for 14 years and when we had our first child ( at 16 yo) he was an asshole running the streets at first. I didnt chase him or track him down, I continued on with my life and a year later he came back and got his shit together. Not all men will do it but you cant go around beating the man on the head saying YOU BETTA PAY CHILD SUPPORT, and acting a damn fool. There is a lot that goes into raising a family so nauturaly men and women panic.
ok lets cut the BS! lets stop acting like many or most of us in the black community don’t throw a party (baby shower)for every un-wed sista we know whether she’s 15 of 35. We send horrible mixed messages to our youth. “don’t have a baby until your married” but every time some irresponsible sista gets pregnant we give her more attention and gifts than anyone who graduates high school or college. These young men and women see your actions more than they listen to your words!
@GQA UR RIGHT !!!!
I get your point however, the so called “damage” is done. She is already pregnant, why not support her with the necessities of early motherhood. We all know the gifts that she is likely to receive will mostly likely last the first 6 months to 1 year of the child’s life, when in fact she has the responsibility of raising the child to the minimum age of 18.
@ Shay- you can silently send or give gifts but having a party really?? tell me which have you been to more in the last 2 years, baby showers for unwed sista’s or weddings? If you keep promoting the problem then it will only get worse. And BTW that’s exactly what ignorant people want you to think, “hey I ignored all common sense and did what I selfishly wanted to do, so you should support me because the damage is already done” thats real DUM!
also lets stop acting like the majority or even half of the 82% in this statistic has come about because of 2 people who were married and the father left. this does happen but it is NO way as common as it is for a sista to get pregnant by a worthless brutha just because she WANTS a baby. there will always be single mothers but it should never be to this extent. why is it a sista will date and have a baby by a brutha who already has multiple kids and doesn’t take care of them? why in the world does this sista think anything will be different for her. She knows he’s not spending anytime with his kids because hes always with her. Also there are no consequences for brutha’s who don’t live with or take care of their kids in the black community. He will still have a bunch of friends, he can always get a date, he can even be a member of the church, where he will probably find his next victim. Men shouldn’t make babies unless you PLAN on living with them. I mean plan as in action, marriage, real job, save money, stop living the players life. Until there are consequences for these brutha’s nothing is gonna change
I totally agree. People need goals in life other than wanting children, so they can go and achieve these things before settling down and having a family. I don’t know what the welfare system is like in the States, but in the UK, women are given priority for housing and given more money if they have a child AND are single. So for those with few prospects in life, there is actually monetary incentive to have a child and be alone.
As much as contraception is the responsibility of both sexes, the plain fact is, it is the woman that has the baby, therefore if she doesn’t want a child, she should damn well make she is practicing safe sex.
why is it we seem to give more credit to single mothers then we do to our responsible sista’s who did the right thing and waited until marriage. we run around shouting out single mothers like their the best thing that happened to the black community. Don’t get me wrong I have sympathy for the brutha & sista who either got married or at least were living together to raise their child and things didn’t work out. But lets stop supporting and promoting sista’s who get pregnant by whom ever they chose just because they want a baby, already knowing in advance the man does not and will not be a father to that child! We have choices and it seems the selfish choice is more commonly made. Women want babies and men want their freedom but NOT many really want or put the work in for FAMILIES!
I am still very emotional after watching this video. We need more responsible women but we also need more responsible men. Marriage is not a joke. people that are entering into this bond have to be emotionally strong, spiritually mature and financially stable. If not when problems will arise, if you are not in it for worse and better, you will drop the ball. Too often single or married men leave a situation because they don’t know how to deal with it.
That is why we as women have to learn to not rush into relationships before getting to know the other person better. Knowing someone has nothing to do with how long you know that person. It has to do with the quality of your relationship. Is he there for you or are you there for him when problems arise? Does he or do you tend to ran away from real issues, what if I get pregnant, are you ready to assume your role or am I ready to be a mother? The list can go on.
Like some said how can you learn how to be a responsible woman or man if no one was there to show you how? I refuse to put myself in that situation.
This issue is Sad but so true and I agree with Dean to a certain extent!!! Women do need to make better decisions…but this men out here need to do the same…They only care about one thing and one thing only not realizing a night full of pleasure can be a lifetime full of pain…These Men in society today have no morals,family values or pride..All they want to do is use and abuse a women and then they are on to the next one…That is why I constantly try to instill in young teenage girls that they should not have children because everyone else is doing it and they definitely shouldn’t have children to keep a man cause Daddy can pick up and leave at any giving time but Mommy is stuck with raising the baby.I strongly feel that a child needs to be raised by both parents…I’m not trying to take anything away from single parents because I was raised in a single parent home and i turned out just fine but I often think that if my father would have been in my life…My life may have been totally different…Everyting that I have accomplished and still trying to accomplished may have been done along time ago if I had that father figure around growing up…A lot of the men out here now a days don’t care about nobody but there own well being and they don’t care about who they hurt in the process of them trying to stay above water…These young men be thinkin it’s cute to have a bunch of kids with different women not realizing that as they get older and want to head down the right path now child support is after them…So now they are trying to avoid paying child support by geeting money the illegal way which either lands them in jail or dead…Then u have the men that want to be a father and the mothers is the one thats the mess up…This is an issue that I feel will never end…Its a cycle….
I AM PROUD OF THE BLACK WOMEN WHO IS HOLDING IT DOWN ON THERE ON I HAVE WALK IN THERE SHOES. I WAS MARRIED TO MY KIDS DAD WHEN WE MOVE TO A DIFFERENT STATE HE FELT HE NEED TO TRADE ME IN FOR THE NEW GIRL IN THE NEW STATE AND FOR GET ABOUT HIS KIDS. THE REAL MESSED UP PART HE LIVE IN THE CITY RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND WANT TRY TO TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS. NOW THATS SOME B.S. WHEN MY SON GRADUATED HIGH THIS YEAR HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY HE MADE IT HAPPEN. MY SON DONT CRUSE BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIFE HE TOLD HIS DADDY TO GO TO HELL
Men are not always at fault. It takes two communicate in a relationship case in point. I have a cousin she was madly in love with a boy( I say boy cause they were in high school). She was head over heals with him but he was violent and their relationship became a wicked attraction. This other guy was attracted to her while they were in high school. He followed her around quietly with a shy personality tried to date her. She was brushing him off so much that he talked to her mother into talking with him. Her mother which is my aunt liked him. She saw he was a good man. So my cousin gave in into dating him to spare time with separation with that former boyfriend who was a drug dealer who would leave off and gone for days, lying and cheating to her. Then she noticed this other guy, he was a single father she noticed this when she finally goes to his home. She saw a 3 year old girl who was raised by her father cause the mother left them off and listen to her friends who told her she could do better. She left him for a preacher moved out of state and got married. So my cousin fake dating scene with this new guy was impressed by this man demeanor by having fun with this child and holding on responsibility. He is funny, we would all sit around laughing cause he had a sense of humor that the devil would want to do better. So, she saw his beauty in the inside and enjoyed his company. My cousin ask him could he be her friend meaning they were abstinent. He agreed because he saw something in her no man would. So, as years go by they had a sexual encounter and she (my cousin) got pregnant. Which would be his second child from the other women. She was scared and didn’t know what to do or want to have it so he beg her to keep the child until they got married. (Getting to the point). When the other child’s mother saw this she got quite dumbfounded cause she thought he was always going to be stuck around for her convience. So she ask for the daughter to come back home to stay with hr and wanted the money. His money wasn’t good enough for her so he worked in a factory in the heat, cold and sleet. 40 plus hours. i saw this when I took my cousin to pick him up from work. She would look sad cause this other baby mama demanding more money as though they was still together but he was just taking care of his daughter. He took care of her so much that for that daughter he would spend $300.00 plus on what the child wanted for Christmas let alone he had the other one by his wife. She called him to tell him “Christmas ain’t all that and he should just gave her the money”. He didn’t want to for the child cause she was so selfish and the child wouldn’t of gotten nothing. So he payed for her activities, pick her up every weekend to have fun and to be with her half-sister. This women moved from living with her mother which his child’s grandmother in a nice suburban neighborhood to the ghetto. She decided she wanted to be on her own. One day I didn’t see him with his other child with his new family. This mother moved her and his daughter to kahalakie town which was about 100 miles or 3 hours away from him and filed for child support. Let alone this child that was three was know 8. So he would see his daughter every blue moon. When this child reach puberty she start to see all walks of life. Her mother imbedded in her head that her daddy was not a man. Case in point he got laid off from the job and wasn’t able to support his family and they had to move in with me. He went from making $1000 a weak to $80 a week in unemployment when they couldn’t pay me rent I still let them stay. This mother saw she wasn’t getting enough and file more child support even though he was unemployed. So, they were having a second child in which my cousin she try to abort without him knowing cause she wanted me to take her to the clinic. By the grace of god I talked her out of it. So when she had the second child this mother went back for more child support when she saw they got on their feet with more money. Then she moved further out until if he had to pick his daughter up. She would have to stay for awhile because the location was so far. The mother didn’t like that cause that was visitation and it would mess up her support payments. So, finally he couldn’t see his daughter all together. He couldn’t call cause they would had issues with talking to each other about the daughter and the mother would say that the daughter was doing bad. Burnt up the kitchen, skipping school etc… They would argue about her taking responsibility as a mother. To top it off all that she left his daughter alone with her other man and she got raped by him. It was like precious but it wasn’t her father who raped her. All the mother worried about was food stamps and money to support this new man. Well, he got tired off all that drama tried to get custody with the courts but they were on her side. He couldn’t be with his daughter cause of the silly actions of the mother. Know who’s fault was that?
This is a, “what comes first,the chicken or the egg” topic. Females are the strongest of the sexes… Rotten roots equal rotten fruits… Follow an absent father,9 out of 10 his mom wasn’t around or doing a poor job of parenting.. A female can raise a nation,she can also destroy one. I can’t bash men because I see alot of times it’s the females fault. I myself didn’t know any better and choose to sleep with a male not fit for anything let alone being a father… He came from a broken home,but what really broke him was his mother. I don’t blame him or bash him… I pray for him. My sistahs,my sistahs, I pray we wake up and see our power. There’s no reason a female should have to bring 3 or more men to be tested to see who’s the father,but yet she is bashing the men for not being there, do you blame them? Too much of this type BS is going on in the black communities. Lost sistahs are raising lost children.
Well, its primarily a mans fault because God made him the leader. But women have the power to influence men by our actions, ie. Eve (Adam and Eve). Women are the ones having the babies, being abandoned, raising the babies alone and therefore have to start thinking less about the moment and more about her own life and future. Women must began to insist on marriage and wait much longer before having sex if at all with a man that wont marry her. We linger way too long. I cant continue a relationship for too long if we are not heading toward marriage because what am I, a sex organ or a woman to you. We have to be willing to walk away more than we do and give ultimatums- no committment, then bounce before he makes you undesireable for someone else with overloading you with his kids and STD’s. Again, having the kids arent wrong because that is what sex does, so dont continue the sex and abort the innocent babies to cover up..We are affected disproportionately by abortions. He still needs to commit to you or leave, because someone else will see your value. Its all about value, that simple.
@CARAMELAPPLE
I love how you black women start off your vain diatribes acting as if you know or can cite scriptures, so that you can try to justify your asinine opinions smh & lol. “Value” is determined by rarity. If you are not coming to a man with your virginity, your “valu” has been lessened, and the more men you have dealt with, the less valuable you are. A Honda that has never been driven has more value than a Ferrari with 200,000 miles on it.
Yes, there are solutions. I came from a single-parent fatherless household also. I find that many of these circumstances are the same, but the solution might be different. It is true that every child needs a positive male figure in his/her life.
Use protection and get to know a person or abstain from sex. We as black women have to start taking responisbillity for our bodies. If you know that this man has children already and you suspect that he is not taking care of those children why in the hell would you even lay with this fool. And then if you do have a baby out wedlock stop don’t have anymore until you get yourself settled.
This is a responsibility thing. These people masquerading as men planting their seeds everywhere wouldn’t be able to do it if people start using protection. This is a simple solution and if he does not want to use protection then he shouldn’t be near you. If you can’t afford to take care of yourself then you shouldn’t be bringing a child into the world.
Thank you for bring up the responsibility factor!
Its good to hear many opinions from my brutha’s & sista’s but what are the solutions? everyone I talk to can reiterate the same talking points but years go by and things continue to get worse. I have a few solutions that may change things. you may or may not agree, but its a step forward.
1. Stop throwing and supporting baby showers for un-wed mothers & fathers. If you want to buy the baby a gift you can without throwing a party. It sends the wrong messages to our youth!
2. Express your displeasure to your male a female friends who are planning to get pregnant without a stable home environment for their children.
2.Stop dating men who don’t spend at least 2 weeks a month with their kids.
3. Brutha’s stop encouraging the single players life to you boys who have kids. strongly encourage them to stop spending money on Rims, clothing, and women, but instead on their children.
4. stop making it too easy for men and woman who have kids without the luxury of marriage or at least living together. Stop baby sitting for unnecessary things like going to the club. let them experience the difficulty of raising kids on their own and maybe they will think twice about doing it again.
Great points! Would like to add
5. if you MUST sleep around, please use protection.All the time. (I can say to not sleep around, however that will be advice given in vain)
I understand how she feels,stay strong sweetheart.
I feel bad for those girls, most people arent mentally capable to handle only being parented by one parent. | http://tiny.cc/vl7p1
@GQA, I’m in love w/ everything you wrote.
I typically stay removed from these conversations and observe from afar, however I feel inclined to try to re-direct this dialogue around this most imporatant issue. Mostly the post have been about assigning (primary) blame to either mothers or fathers, with some recommendations for parents. From my experience in this work, the most challenging work for us is healing the heart, mind and soul of a generation of children (and adults) who were deprived their God-given right to being raised by two loving, caring, nurturing, supportive and SELFLESS parents (in the same home).
What can WE do to take this unwarranted burden off the soul of a people, crippled by the inability of a generation of (baby boomers) individuals, who put their selfish (hedonistic) desires before faith, family, neighborhood and community. How can we teach people that it’s NOT ABOUT YOU? How can explain our mistakes and beg their forgivness, in the hopes that they will not repeat the self-diefied indulgances that are the legacy of my generation? How can the black family reclaim the greatness lost just 45 years ago? Once we can turn our energies and efforts – focused squarely on the next generation – maybe we can stop the in-fighting, end the blame-gaming, hault the finger-pointing, and start the healing…
Just a thought.
Janks ~ the filmmaker and the man you can’t see crying in the video
Thank you, I 100% agree. Your children are hurting and all you can think about is whose fault it is. We need more compassion and heart, we need more God. Those are our kids too because that is us and we are one. We need to get it together.
Ever wonder why they do not have Documentaries like this with other men of other races???
Its sad when I read this and I watch this video and see how strong the opinions are towards the mothers. I actually had the luxury of knowing my daughter’s father for over 20 years, we were in love, we got engaged, then I got pregnant. He stepped all the way up and made a home for us & provided while I finished my degree. After I graduated, he realized that he didn’t want to live that life anymore and has been a deadbeat ever since. Could I have prevented or predicted that? I doubt it. He comes in and out and is forever apologizing.
Though there are exceptions to every rule, the sad thing about the “FATHER” in a parenthood is that he has a choice to step up or to step down when he’s ready. Us mother’s are left to figure it out in spite of what they choose. Though there are tons of women who think with their crotch & not with their heads, the children suffer.
I am currently in a loving & wonderful relationship with a man who cherishes my daughter as his own. My daughter still yearns for the attention of her biological father though she loves my partner. That will never go away. I hate that she gets excited when he pops in and out every few months. She thinks he’s great. I mean she’s still young, so she doesn’t realize.
This epidemic must be stopped though. I wish men realized what just spending time with a child does for their esteem. I just find that alot of the men who don’t step up to the plate are selfish. BOTTOM LINE. What both parents need to realize is, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!!!!!
You have said a mouthful there! I couldn’t agree with you more.
@UNEASY- I’m glad your in a loving relationship now but it is still a shame that your previous husband walked away. That fact is he and many other men in our community felt comfortable leaving his family why? because there are no real consequences for doing so and WE must change that or the problem will continue to get worse.
More bad rep for the bLACK community!! Maybe black women are single b/c they don’t put up no BS. Those white women stay married to men who abuse them and molest their children.
How about documenting the negative impact TROUBLED households have on children. Not all single households are bad. Some children flourish in single parent households.
Again, more negative press geared 2wards the BLACK community.
please with the BS excuses have you ever wondered why very other community fares better than ours, its partly because they have more real fathers, real men who stand up for their kids, their community, and their neighborhoods. are you really trying to say black women don’t get married because the men are possibly child molesters? Please, I see too many sista’s have multiple babies with criminals for that to be true.
For real I’m tired of hearing about all the men who don’t stick around….sadly its a reality! LIVE WITH IT! I get sick of people always complaining about men who don’t stay with their baby mamas…sometimes sadly men don’t want kids and def don’t want them with the women who end up pregnant. One thing you’ll never hear about is the percentage of women who trap men….Lets so those statistics…..Stop trapping men and you won’t end up with all these men who choose not to be around. I have a man who wanted to be with me and my kids…. I’m sick of all the women who trick men into having kids cause they don’t want to be alone or need someone to love…People lets think….Kids with no fathers or the Women who trick them/trap them…EASY SOLUTION!!!!!
Thank you Thank you Thank you. These are the same people would say “It’s not all about you”. When they are the same people who are just saying this in the process by just using those kids as a source of means. Parents should communicate better from the beginning as adults so the child will feel loved because a child is not a credit card.They can’t face the true facts of this. I walk along minding my business in a store and hear women talk about that ni@#er could of put some money on my child support card. That’ not thinking about that child. Kids should be brought in our lives to love as a gift from God. I am going to ask again who fault it is that that child don’t feel loved?
First off this is sooo sad… I myself have come from a single parent home and I know exactly how this girl feels. This once was me and my feelings towards my daddy! Here’s the deal, while women do have a choice who they are sleeping with they cannot predict if that man is going to be there. I have a friend who was married for 5 yrs and has a handsome son now that they are divorced her ex doesn’t want to come around or for that matter claim his child. What I’m saying is if a women pushed a man away fine, but don’t use that as an excuse to not see YOUR CHILD! I loved my daddy dearly and I really did wish he would have been there more in my life sometimes I would even think that that was the reason I was so rebellious towards my mom…. I needed a mans love, my fathers love that is! Someone to teach me this is how a real man treats a lady! I am older now I am married and have a child of my own and my husband knows how I feel about deadbeats also both of his parents was always in his life and he knows that it is important when raising a child. Unfortunately, my father passed away before we had the chance of building/repairing our relationship and that saddens me but I did not have any animosity against him like this child. I spoke to him when I saw him around the way and that was it we never really address our relationship and my feelings. I pray that this child can forgive her father and move on with her life… it is her soul at stake! No child should have so much hate in their heart towards anyone.
well don’t just make it about one race the single parent house hold effects any kid no matter what race they are.
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BRAVO to CL for posting a story such as this!!!
I AGREE BRAVO TO CL OR THIS STORY…BLACK MEN PLZ HELP YOUR CHILDREN