With self-help books out on shelves like Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man and television segments on the statistic-driven “epidemic” of being a single black woman in America, black women without a band around their left hand’s ring finger are beginning to wonder whether they really need to look outside of the black community for their significant other as the media suggests.
In fact, earlier this month a Stanford Law professor by the name of Ralph Richard Banks spoke of the marriage deficit in the black community and concluded in his book, Is Marriage for White People?, that the 70% of black women who are unmarried would be better off stepping outside of the black community for love:
“Many women would do well to expand their options in the same way people of other races have, and look beyond black men in their search for a partner,” Stanford law professor Ralph Richard Banks told “Nightline.” “Black women are the most segregated group in our society when it comes to relationships.” (READ STORY)
In the entertainment world, some celebrities like model Iman (who is married to singer David Bowie) and others have been able to successfully hold a long-lasting relationship/marriage.
One couple that has been able to stand the test of time as an interracial couple is actress Paula Patton and Robin Thicke. The singer spoke about the 18-year ups and downs of being with his woman of color and what he thinks about the media telling black women to date white men:
I think that’s ridiculous.
There are so many good Black men out there that are hardworking, decent, and handsome, you know? To start that rumor is as bad as starting any other negative rumor. There are great Black men out there. There are only a few good White men — trust me. (Laughs) Good luck finding a good White man who understands your journey. I only have three White friends. I’ve got 20 Black male friends, who are all good men who take good care of their wives, and good care of their children. I know amazing Black men. Maybe the women have to take better care of their men. Maybe you’re being too stubborn. Maybe you’re not saying you’re sorry. You have to take good care of him, too. You have to give love to get love. [SOURCE: ESSENCE]
All I can say is S/O to Robin Thicke cuz Paula Patton was B-A-D in M.I.5 MAN MAN MAN!!!!
shut up
@VDO
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^^^^^^^^^^^ why y’all hatin tho! -__-
“marriage for white people only” and another type of racist sh’t like this is just another mentally plan against real dark/brown skin black men/sons, race and culture just like interracial bullsh’t in white/jew’s porno industry, media and tv or BIRACIAL light skinned boy in white house! these racist jews and crakkkers make us hate and kill each other! PLS MY REAL BLACK PPL WAKE UP!
I never agree with you, however, I am beginning to believe that all of this mainstream media spotlighting on the relationship status of black women has an underlying agenda: to cause friction in the black community – pitting black women and black men against each other in an effort to make them despise one another, and to encourage interracial relationships with the ultimate hope of diluting the black race over the coming generations. For me there can be no other logical reason why the mainstream (read: white) media would give two $hits about the status of black women’s relationships! It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. And why all of the not-so-subtle “encouragement” of black women dating white men? I honestly am not generally bothered by interracial relationships (in any combination), HOWEVER, we seriously need to start questioning the motives behind these “news reports” that are unsuccessfully trying to mask themselves as “concern” for black women and really only serve to rouse anger in black women b/c we are being spotlighted in a negative and humiliating way and cause us to go “You’re right! There are no good black men! Let’s start dating other races (namely: white)!” (Media Mission accomplished) And the worst part is that the mainstream is getting help with their agenda b/c this stuff is redisseminated primarily on BLACK media platforms and even comes regurgitated out of the mouths of BLACK “intellectuals.” Just open your eyes and question the agenda, that’s all I’m saying.
@Troof
most of white males are ugly, pale, weak, has ugly dry skin and small penises. most of white females are ugly, pale, skinny no lips no ass no body having looking hoes. white race are untalented and weak as sh’t that’s why they trying to be mixed with everybody especially with blacks. and after all this all these f’ckin crakkkers still talking shit about us? smh! racist fake whites hated, jealous and afraid of us for that reason we have mixed boy in white house today.
@Troof
yes it is. crakkkers/jew’s racist interracial bullsh’t in media and porno industry to destroy dark skin black race sons, men, kids, family and culture. black men-hater racist white man’s ego want to f’ck black pu$$y and get mad if he can’t get some so they promoted interracial sex or marriage to all these weak self-hating sellout white wanna be black or mixed women to make their racist plan come true! that’s why black women are single, cant marry black men or white man’s porno whores because a lot of them are white man’s sex slaves in their minds!
ps most of white women who date/marry black men are racist fake azz b’tches too.
@ TROOF- Good point of view, it made me look at this situation differently.
@BLACKMANN- dont disrespect our president.
@Troof Amen. This saddens me because I’ve seen this coming for a while…I’m curious as to what will be in another 60 years… Blackmann if you want more people to respect what you say, you have to learn how to say it in a way that will not rub people in the wrong way. Regardless if you believe it as truth,your brash, lascivious, and ostentatious way of expressing “your truth” will get you no where, but talking to a mirror…yourself. Work on that.
who the f’ck Robin Thicke think he is huh?! ugly pale god of black slaves? just because you marry/f’ck self-hating UGLY crazy sellout biracial looking wh0re that does not mean you can dictate to us what we need to do in black community!! this is black women’s horny vagina type of sh’t to you today they make ugly pale racist alcoholic looking crakkkers like KINGS, so very soon all our sh’t in black community, culture, black media, radio and black sites will belong to racist fake whites that’s why they are promoting interracial marriage, sex and dates today. and not only this, very soon real dark/brown skin black ppl will disappear in america just like in brazil and in all south america just like racist white ppl wanted! ALL YOU BLACK B’TCHES TODAY ARE A WASTE OF SPERM! JUST SHAME!
you sound like a skin head, LOL
Blackman : why ???
I understand why black women have children with black men. i mean at least its understandable. for keep dark skin black men, sons, kids and african-american culture still alive but I don’t understand why black women have children with white men or non black or mixed men, i just don’t understand for what? make racist white men and untalented white race more in this world? its just ridiculous to me. that’s why so many black women are single, unmarried or porno white man’s wh0res and we have so many problems and mixed/white looking kids for white race in black community! its one of the reason why your black men are f’cking up, gays, hate, don’t trust and don’t like you black women.
brohars we need stop dating/marry all these dirty self-hating sellout spoiled black/mixed wh0res/hoes after non black/mixed men because all these wh0res/hoes thinks this is ok to suck/f’ck with white slave masters/mexican/mixed white latinos and after that go back to us. NO!! if you f’cking with non black/mixed men you need to stay with him and end!!
….and stop make only daughters for white men who will be just strippers, white man’s porno wh0res or babymamas for white race. make more real dark/brown skin black sons for black race only when real black ppl and african/black culture still alive in this world! f’ck racist whites and their dumb wh0res!
Im white and I agree and think it should be for all races like what u said!
The ignorance of people is so sad. Marriage in instituted and ‘made’ with a religious undertone. Marriage is a Christian / Abrahamic religion ceremony and it should stay that way. Do I feel marriage is for white people ? NO Its for Christians, Muslims and Jews and people who are affiliated with the Church or Temple of those religions.
Now, Marry only someone who you love, don’t waste your life and your very short time on earth on something very low and stupid. In all reality, race doesn’t even exist. We all come from the same species so it quite irrelevant to bring up race. However, social status yet. Women should try to marry someone with a certain social status, but judging a social status by a race is nothing but ignorant and shows a narrow-minde point of view.
are you serious? marriage is not a religious institute ar all… it’s a legal one. know your history.
What does religion has to do with marriage?
@charizmatik2,
religion has EVERYTHING to do with marriage. marriage is in correlation with law, but the government that creates and enforces law sits on the shoulders of the one true and wise God. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The same God that would rather send his Son to die than to ever live without us. What other gods do YOU know of that would go to that extent with YOU in mind?
…exactly.
Save the Dreams,
Your comment is so on point and you make a lot of sense.
@ Guapo another great comment!
Blackmann please STFU… I think that Black women dont need to give up on black men. However, black women should maybe broaden their search a little bit. I dont think that dating strictly within race should be a factor. There are all kinds of good men out there in all shapes, ethnicities, and tax brackets. Its anybody’s game.. its about to be 2012!!
@Roman
that’s why so many black women are single, unmarried or porno white man’s wh0res and we have so many problems and mixed/white looking kids for white race in black community! or you are ugly pale white boy who want f’ck black pu$$y just like p o r n o huh?! gtfoh because nobody give a sh’t about your opinion go back to your white community with this racist interracial bullsh’t most of us don’t want have sex or mixed kids with your ugly racist pale white asses!
@Roman
What I always find interesting about the “broaden your horizons” concept that is preached by and to the black woman is that black women seem to think that it shows increased options as opposed to desperation lol. A female does not have the ability to determine what a “good man” is. They never have, and they never will. This is why, throughout history, the father has chosen the female’s spouse.
your daughters sleep with old pale ugly santa claus looking crakkkers/wiggers like porno wh0res at a young age before they will sleep with us and when they become fat old nasty with dirty vaginas they trying to come back to us, talking about black love and how they want “good black man” smh! and black women as mother of black race says nothing about this but still blame black men in these problems and you wondering why your black men/sons are f’cking up?! BLACK WOMEN IS REASON WHY BLACK MEN DIE!
@Blackmann You Need Jesus!
Blackmann not only needs Jesus he needs some attention and some love. He is probably single and cant get a woman let alone black or white to be with him.He sounds ridiculous, and ignorant as hell. Who cares if black women date white men, purple, gray or orange men? Get your own life in order. And robin Thicke sounds racist talkin about his 20 black friends. who counts how many black or white friends they have?
stop b’tching and trying date of another brotha who don’t wanna be playe and can understand your personality no matter how he looking. you black women need to stop being such selfish dumb b’tches because all this sh’t works only against you and your black men. stop think only your vaginas and start thinking your head as smart black woman and mother of race. because if we don’t stop fighting with each other and f’ck with all these ugly pale racist crakkkers then black women, men, real dark skin black race/kids and culture will disappear in this world just like in south-america! pls wake up!
THIS IS ULTIMATE BULLSHIT..THE MEDIA ALWAYS TRYING TO BREAK THE BLACK COMMUNITY DOWN…LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOUT…..IT SEEMS LIKE WHITE PEOPLE JUST CAN’T STAND BLACK PEOPLE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER….WHAT THE FUCK IS NEXT.
I disagree with Robin Thicke where are the good black men? Now this is my opinion I see more black men leaving the sisters for white/hispanic women and asian. And I feel black women need to do the same because what Kanye say “He’s gonna leave your ass for a white girl”. Lol but serious black women don’t want to go outside there race. They want only black men and I am a young black girl and I rather go outside my race. And another thing I am tired of hearing black people shouldn’t go outside there race because you demolition the black culture. I don’t care how mixed they are that black part of them will always be there no matter what. This my opinion on this article.
@NailsDid123
oh pls this sh’t is old. a lot of good black men out here but fake dumb selfish self-hating black women don’t want them. they wants old ugly pale racist white men, his small penis, money, white looking kids and white woman’s status. that’s why a lot of these “too good to these dark skin black n!ggas” type of black or mixed fake azz b’tches are single, cant marry black men or just white man’s porno wh0res and we have so many white/mixed looking kids for white race. and stop searching for an amusing excuses to sleeps/sucking small white man’s penises and feel yourself good it’s like you have white woman status! stop promoting interracial bullsh’t with ugly racist white men and making all thiese ugly white looking kids for white race with crakkkers just because you love being single wh0res and hate yourself! f’ckin dumb sellout white wannabe black hoe!
@NailsDid123
BIRACIAL light skinned looking kids is not black and will always go to white race just keep it real!
So you think just because you date outside your race,you gna find a better man? im going to keep it 100 with you sista,not all,but alot of men from other races only date black woman for fetish reasons,and that is the truth,and stop believing what you hear on the radio,and what you see on tv,there are alot of good black men out here,shit im one of them,the problem is that alot of black woman not all,but alot,keep choosing the wrong guys over and over again,and then they wanna say there arent any good black man,no your choices isnt shit that’s all,all this is,is media propaganda to separate black floks,stop falling for the bs
@blackmann’s second comment
sociologically speaking, it becomes a question of phenotype and genotype. in correlation with science, any race/ethnicity mixed with “one drop[rule]” with african american is ALWAYS considered african american- regardless of which end the person relates with the most. that isn’t opinion. that is school taught, historically based, objective-minded FACT.
Please moderate the ignorance that is “BLACKMAN” from this post.
@SMH
are you mad? i know why you get mad because i says the truth, ppl always hate the truth! GET OVER IT!
Yet another stereotype society is trying to create about black women. We already have the sassy attitudinal bitch, the whorish welfare queen and the asexual mammy. Now you have the successful but single black woman stereotype.
Marriage is an institution and society is trying to perpetuate this notion that no matter how successful or attractive a black woman is she doesn’t have access to marriage by default of her being black.
Yes 70% are single. But how much don’t want to be. Some of these women are Lesbian, some divorcees and others don’t have any interest in marriage.
I can only go by my reality and the black women I know who did want to get married have done so whether it’s to black, white or Hispanic men.
The first questions one should ask oneself is…do I believe this statistic? You must first consider the source: who provided the data? Then question how they arrived at the outcome, what population/region they tested and to what extent, and what benefit it would be to them to provide such a statistic. How accurate is it? Many statistics are grossly inflated for the sake of impact. In this case, this is referring to black American women. I do not believe every statistic thrown at me to be truth – and I believe the intent of this statistic is to cause damage – to further mar the reputation of black American women in the eyes of society as was previously done with the perpetuation of the other stereotypes you mentioned. And furthermore, when they say ‘single’, they mean it in the traditional sense, meaning ‘unmarried’–not in the sense of being solo w/o any romantic partner and/or companion in general. People with boyfriends/girlfriends and even engaged people are considered single according to tradition and the law.
@Troof
yea this bullsh’t azz racist white/jew’s statistics about us is some funny azz sh’t!! first racist crakkker/jew’s statistics was about black women being single or unmarried but since black women today are dumb white man’s wh0res with ugly white looking kids for white race now crakkkers/jews trying to break down black men and black race! absolutely bananaz smh!
@LondonChick
these black women that get married white or hispanic non black men and who “have done” as you called it, its women that was ex porno whores or women who single right now, i called them a waste of sperm!
Mariage is both for black and white. The thing is that black women need to learn how to take care of their soldiers. Cook for him, wash and iron his clothers, talk to him with respect, cherish him, show him that he is your whole world. By showing him respect you will get the same respect from him. Simply do to him whatever you want him to do for you.
Thank you relationship guru for telling us “what black women need to learn” *eye roll*…
Who says “black women” do not do this? Stop buying into the lies. Perhaps some do, perhaps some do not – just as with women from any other ethnic group. And I know plenty of loving, affectionate black women in strong mutually loving relationships. And as an aside, I must say your views are rather archaic. A relationship takes *mutual* care, respect and tenderness. Furthermore, “soldiers”…really? Who says that? lol
I cannot stand it when one attempts to speak for an entire group of people as if the behaviors of every single person in that group can be easily summed up in one statement that applies to all. Even more pathetic when the person saying it is likely a member of that group. Black women have the right to individual behaviors just like everyone else. Grow up.
This is not the 1950′s women work all day and raise children they do not need to be their mate’s housekeeper, I am not saying they should not do some things but if I am working a 12 hour shift I do not have time to iron clothes, but I agree that both spouses should respect each other to have a successful relationship. I love black men, but I find that a lot of black men are stuck on a certain type of women, like you have to be fair skin, long hair and super thin like paula patton and most times in the black community that is not ideal that is why black men go for hispanic/white women, who may not be thin, but they have the white skin that some black men love, look at kobe bryant nothing about his wife is attractive her teeth are big and bucked and she has so many huge teeth she can barely close her mouth he just married that poor white hispanic trash because of the hue of her skin not because of love because if it was love he would not have cheated with over a 100 women she has no significant educational background and comes from a poor family, out of all of these beautiful and intelligent black women he goes and get the gutter white b and make her poor family filthy rich that is why our community will never get anywhere, because of the ignorant black men who are stuck on hair texture and skin color.
Nicole, your words are divisive. Responses like yours are exactly the desired result/thought pattern of “studies,” statistics and “news reports” like this.
@nicole lee
You are speaking the truth! I wish the media would place the spotlight on the wealthy black men that marry outside of their race.
Black women are some of the strongest, nurturing and mentally stable women there are so the previous comment that we don’t know how to take care of our men that reader needs a reality check.
Your kidding right. You as a women do all this and all he does is go cheat, while you slaving. Blackmen do not know how to stay faithful. JMO~
What I wrote concerns both white and black women and it concerns men too. If men whatever color they have respect their women, the women will do the same. mariage have nothing to do with colors or etnicity. In my country more than 50 percent of mariage fails. and 90 percent of these people are white and NOT black!
This is an attack on the black race. “Genocide” so to speak. They want to water down our black blood and erase us completely and this is another way to do it. The media is pushing this “black men don’t want black women thing” so much. That’s why the media only shows our black brothers with white women. There are brothers in the spot light that have black wives, but you’ll never see them get that much air on t.v. They want us to turn against our race so we don’t make anymore black babies. THIS IS TRUE PEOPLE!! I wish you all will start paying attention to what’s going on around you and do some research. We have to break this brainwashing cycle or it will destroy our people. We we’re a GREAT ppl before the europeans came along and stole our ideas and took everything away from us. They learned from us how to cultivate the land and the use of modern plumbing systems. They will never let us know how great we were and the black race is still ENSLAVED this very day. If you don’t think so really look around you. Why do people of color all over the globe suffer so much hard ache and pain. It’s all by design to destroy ppl of color from every race. You don’t see whites sitting on a dirt road with there children and flies around their eyes. PLEASE WAKE UP PPL. EDUCATE YOURSELVES!!! They stole our history away for a reason. We are a great people and DON’T allow anyone to tell you different.
I’m not sure if most of the people commenting have actually read this book. I have read and I agree with this author. The entire book is NOT about suggesting black women to date outside of their race. Really only one chapter is dedicated to black women should broaden their horizons. This book is creating awareness that their is a relationship problem within the black community such as commitment issues and monogamous relationships within the black community. He also states that there are so many beautiful successful sisters that are unable to find good quality black men.
Read before you judge this book. Also you are saying their are wonderful admirable black men that love black women…please tell me where are they at? I’m from NY, lived in Texas and Chicago and I have a hard time finding good quality black men. And if they are good quality they want a non monogamous relationship. And this is coming from a beautiful black woman.
BLACKMANN, this article must be a goldmine for u. You sound really angry and bitter and uneducated. Did a white man take ur girl? Did daddy leave Mommy for a white woman? What is your issue? Why are you really mad? Instead of spending 5 hours commenting on an article , how about you go learn something called tolerance. I’m a black woman who’s dated black, Puerto Rican, and Cape Verdean men. Ive never been wit a white guy but if I met one who treated me right who I enjoyed being with then I would give him a chance. by the way and its 2011. There is nothing wrong with interracial relationships. You can’t help who you fall in live with. You sound really disturbed and I suggest you speak with a psychiatrist so you could be prescribed some meds. Obviously you may be a danger to others . Get a life and do something other than spewing hatred. All you’re doing is swearing and showing how much of a crazy weirdo. Psychopath.
Thank you.. i am so tired of ignorant people today.. i am a woman who is married to a white man and we also have a child together. i hate that i have to justify my marriage as if i done something wrong. i actually grew up in the projects and went to an all black school. when i enlisted into the military, i never thought that i would fall in love with someone outside my race, but i did and i am happy. Some people need to grow up (blackmann) and realize that love is not based on skin color.
thank you!!
THANK YOU!!!! WHY AMERICANS ARE SO DAMN HOOKED UP ON RACE?? SHIT IT’S 2012, CAN YOU SAY HUMANITY? SMH!!!
@TY_SPARKS
That is what women in the military are for. You’re all concubines for the male soldiers. The point of that is that the government hoped that allowing females in the military would lower the rate of rape amongst the soldiers with the females of the conquered population. I know alot of cats that served in the various branches of the armed forces, and the consensus is that you broads get passed around like a damn football. Many black females rant about “interracial dating”, but the vast majority of advocates for it are BLACK FEMALES lol. “Love” isn’t based on skin color. It is based on the capricious and whimsical nature of a female and a boy. A MAN knows that REAL relationships are predicated and maintained based on ancestral cultural values and ORDER. All other races understand this concept except black people, particularly desperate black females. Being “in love” is temporary which is why “marriage” in Western cultures is so temporary, with divorce being OUTSTANDINGLY instigated by the same females that claimed to be “in love”.
@judah.. you think i dont know whats going on in the military.. i know what people say about women in the military and i have also heard the names that our male counterparts call us. but women in the military are just like any other woman. I understand that people think that all military women are whores but just like any other person, you have a choice on how you would like to see you. A saying we always use in the corps is “ perception is reality” if you carry yourself like a whore then thats the way people will see you. thats that. im not the one to sit on the internet for hours bashing a person’s lively hood , but what is your problem with interracial relationships? to me, men are men and women are women. i dont chose a guy by skin color. i chose them on how he treats me. our marriage is just like any other marriage, we have our ups and down. but we still push through. you cant base love on textbooks and research. love is expressed on an INDIVIDUALS point of view not a scientific notation.
CL YALL NEED TO BAN BLACKMANN, AS A BLACK WOMAN I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED. HE IS A RACIST PRICK, WHO HAS A LOT OF ANGER AND HATE TOWARD PEOPLE. AS A READER OF YOUR SITE I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU STILL ALLOW HIM TO POST IGNORANT AND HATEFUL WORDS. IN NO WAY DO I CONDONE A RACIST AND I COULD CARELESS IF HE IS BLACK, I WONT NO PART OF HIS BELIEFS, HE NEEDS TO BE BANNED ASAP.
Girl please!!! I don’t agree with his cussing but I get what he’s TRYING to say. He is not articulating himself in the right manner, but you need to know what’s behind the words not the clutter.
Marriage is for those who God ordained for it to be! Truth is God will give us the desires of our hearts if we walk up rightly before Him. No other human being can dictate what is for another. Problem is we are so busy trying to do things in our own strength and getting opinions from those who have no say over our lives. Consult God, seek Him and let Him guide you to the right man, whether black or white. If it’s for you, it’s yours!
Why does God need to come into everything?….It beggars belief that people are so hung up on religion and are forever bringing god into the equation. I you truly believe that all one needs to do is pray and “consult god” then all will be good and dandy, then ask yourself, why then, is this world in the state it is in?
People hate to hear that God is the answer. PrettyChrissy, you must remember that people think it is anti-intellectual to believe the way that you do. Actually, the Bible preaches that they are the ones in ignorance, but that is our little secret.
Marriage is a ministry, and all are not called. Those who are called are not being prepped because you see so few marriages that are ordained by God. We think that God has to steal another woman’s husband in order to bless you, we think Oprah should ordain marriages, our IGNANT girlfriends, our families, the list just goes on. It is a pleasure to at see someone trying to return marriage to the God that created it.
It’s funny that you say that Charizmatik2, I’m the first and only one to mention God on this thread. It’s okay for us to go back and forth and become agitated about what a man said and what he thinks to be true but when I mention what the TRUTH really is your response is WHY GOD??? WHY NOT GOD??? To answer your other question, this world is in the state it’s in because people rather believe what man says than GOD.
@PRETTYCHRISSY & SASSYWITIT
Well let me be the second one to mention God on this thread, because you have no idea what the hell you’re talking about lol. Your comments are the reason why many black men (that are in their right minds) are forsaking the false institution that is called “marriage” in this society. Many of you females overwhelmingly believe that marriage is FOR THE WOMAN, and that the black man is simply an accessory to your agenda. If you really believed in the scriptures, you would understand that the woman was created FOR THE MAN (I Cor 11:3,8), to SERVE THE MAN as an helpmeet. You so-called “Christian” women continually show that you are egomaniacs with delusional spirits of grandeur. Even your screen names show your egomaniacism lol. How are you women of God, and your names are “PrettyChrissy” and “SassyWitit”? A “sassy” woman is a rebellious woman, which is NOT what the Lord commanded of the sisters (I Tim 2:9-15). In the scriptures, marriage is almost entirely predicated on NO-INTERRACIAL relationships (Deut 7:3, Neh 13:23-28, etc.). Please stop preaching Satan and calling him “God” (I Cor 14:33-40). The marriage that God created included what is known today as “polygamy” (II Sam 5:13). The scriptures tell a man that he must love his wife (Ephesians 5:26-31, I Pet 3:1-7, etc.), but there is nothing about any “spiritual” union or all this other Disney movie drivel that many females speak about.
What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander. Black women need this wakeup call. Your loyalty to Black men is not reciprocated. They often seek out anything, no matter how repulsive, as long as it isn’t a Black woman. Stop being a damn fool and get with men who appreciate you, regardless of their ethnicity.
Some black men seek out women of opposite races. Why shouldn’t we?
@Adrianne I understand if you meet a special person of the opposite race by chance, and they really make you happy. That is very resonable. But if you are ignoring black women just because you deem them as “ghetto and unsophisticated” due to the color of their skin, which I doubt you are, that’s just being prejudice and biased against your own race which is stupidity in itself.
LOL! Blackmann’s vitriol is an attempt to hide his inferiority complex. I should say, a poor attempt. He’s like those vocal homophobes, I see you Eddie Long, who attempt to hide their same-sex attractions. Real, secure Black men never carry on this way. @Blackmann- Face the mirror! LOL! You’re really mad because you want to be a paleface.
It’s funny this debate has gotten so intense and all it really is about is the color of one’s skin. This is a simple answer. Find someone who is good for YOU.
I Cosign with you Networking! Life is too short ppl to get caught up on race. Live your life.. be free…Love. Besides, we all bleed the same color anyways. Goodness gracious…..
lol, how many Black men have Robin Thicke been in a relationship with? Candy ass.
If you get tunnel vision on a specific type or race when looking for a mate you are ultimately hurting yourself. Let’s face it some women(black, white, or otherwise) set their standard to near UNREALISTIC levels. I understand that some people are only attracted to people of their own race but it would be in your best interest to be more flexible Broadening your horizons will increase your chances of finding the love of your life. Honestly, Love is love. You never know, you could find life long happiness with a spanish, caucasian, or asian man . Love is Love no matter the skin color.
I agree with Robin Thicke…I’m glad he had the nuts to say what most of us brothers know about most white men. They aren’t the viable alternative to pairing of with black men. Sisters it’s time to rethink the effect that feminism have had on your thought process and how you interact with black men. We (black men) have been under scrutiny for decades and a great majority of us have come full circle in straightening our act up, we’re waiting for sisters to get back on board.
You’re kidding, right?
It’s time to start telling the truth about ourselves. Sisters, you’re up: WHY YOU’RE NOT MARRIED>>>>>>http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html
And stop believing the hype that there are “no good black men” out here. Adjust your freaking lense ladies. Sometimes you have to adjust what you WANT in order to get what you NEED: REAL STATISTICS ABOUT HOW BLACK MEN ARE DOING:
There are more Black Males in College[1] than in Jails, Prisons, Private Corrections, Military Jails and Institutions for the Criminally Insane combined[2] (1,236,443 in College/841,000 Incarcerates – regardless of age)
· 4 to 1: The ratio of 18-24 year old Black Males in College[3] vs. Jails, Prisons, Private Corrections, Military Jails and Institutions for the Criminally Insane[4]. (674,000 in College/164,400 Incarcerates)
32.3% (1 in 3) Black Males ages 18-24 are enrolled in College[5] (674,000 in College/2,082,000 Total)
1.37 to 1: The ratio of 18-24 year old Black Females enrolled in College to Black Males[6]. (930,000 Black Females Enrolled/674,000 Black Males Enrolled)
6.3%: Black Males (age 18-55+) enroll in College at a higher rate by sex than White Males and Hispanic Males and are surpassed only by Asian Males[7]. (Black Males is 6.3%, White Males is 5.8%, Hispanic Males is 4.7%, and Asian Males is 9.7%)
25.1% of Black Males (age 25 or over) have either an Associates, Bachelors, Masters, Professional, or Doctoral Degree[8]. (2,519,000 with Degrees/10,018,000 Total)
82.1% of Black Males (age 18 or over) have at least a High School Diploma or GED[9] . (9,897,000 with HS Diploma or GED/12,044,000 Total)
12.1%: The Black Male Dropout Rate[10] (ages 16-24) for 2008. (301,000 Dropouts/2,583,000 Total)[11]
5.1%: Percent of married Black Men who marry White Women[12] (279,000 Black Husband-White Wife/5,654,000 Married Black Men)
88.8%: Percent of Black Males earning income[13] ages 25-64 (employment) (7,899,000 Employed/8,893,000 Total)
$23,738: Average Income for Black Males[14] 15 and older ($19,470 Average Income Black Females)
1,812,000 The number of Black Men making $50,000/year or more[15]
71.6% of Black Men pay their agreed to or Court Awarded Child Support[16] (855,000 Payers/1,194,000 Recipients)
$253 Billion: Total Income earned by Black Males[17] (15 and over) ($262 Billion earned by Black Females)
13,104,000 Total Black Men age 15 or over[18] (15,816,000 Total Black Females age 15 or over)
[1] National Center for Education Statistics: iPeds data set, March 2011 – reporting Scholastic Year 2009
[2] Bureau of Justice Statistics: Prison and Inmates at Midyear 2009 – June 2010)
[3] US Census Bureau: American Community Survey: Table 1. Enrollment Status of the Population 3 Years Old and Over, by Sex, Age, Race, Hispanic Origin, Foreign Born, and Foreign-Born Parentage: October 2009
[4] Bureau of Justice Statistics: Prison and Inmates at Midyear 2009 – June 2010
[5] US Census Bureau: American Community Survey: Table 1. Enrollment Status of the Population 3 Years Old and Over, by Sex, Age, Race, Hispanic Origin, Foreign Born, and Foreign-Born Parentage: October 2009
[6] US Census Bureau: American Community Survey: Table 1. Enrollment Status of the Population 3 Years Old and Over, by Sex, Age, Race, Hispanic Origin, Foreign Born, and Foreign-Born Parentage: October 2009
[7] US Census Bureau: American Community Survey: Table 1. Enrollment Status of the Population 3 Years Old and Over, by Sex, Age, Race, Hispanic Origin, Foreign Born, and Foreign-Born Parentage: October 2009
[8] U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, 2009 Annual Social and Economic Supplement
[9] U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, 2009 Annual Social and Economic Supplement
[10] National Center for Education Statistics: Table A-19-2. Number of status dropouts and status dropout rates of 16-through 24-year-olds – American Community Survey (ACS) 2008)
[11] 2,583,000 includes individuals reporting Black A.O.I.C. US Census data are individuals reporting Black Alone
[12] U.S. Census Bureau, Annual Social and Economic Supplement: 2003 Current Population Survey, Current Population Reports, Series P20-553, “America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2003? and earlier reports.
[13] U.S. Census Bureau, PINC-01. Selected Characteristics of People 15 Years Old and Over by Total Money Income in 2009, Work Experience in 2009, Race, Hispanic Origin, and Sex
[14] U.S. Census Bureau, PINC-01. Selected Characteristics of People 15 Years Old and Over by Total Money Income in 2009, Work Experience in 2009, Race, Hispanic Origin, and Sex
[15] U.S. Census Bureau, PINC-05. Work Experience in 2009–People 15 Years Old and Over by Total Money Earnings in 2009, Age, Race, Hispanic Origin, and Sex
[16] U.S. Census Bureau, Child Support Payments Agreed to or Awarded Custodial Parents by Selected Characteristics and Sex: 2007
[17] U.S. Census Bureau, PINC-08. Source of Income in 2009-People 15 Years Old and Over, By Income of Specified Type in 2009, Age, Race, Hispanic Origin, and Sex
[18] U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, Annual Social and Economic Supplement, 2009.
@Voo
If black women can’t get along with black men, you really think outsiders are dying for the chance to put up with the mess? They are not. Do you really know what they say about African American women in other communities? You’re the infamous whores of Western society, second only to…….white women. Both groups of women have become NOTORIOUSLY difficult for men to pair and remain married to. Argumentitive, independent (don’t need men), promiscuous, aggressive, etc. That’s the global perception you have. There’s no savior coming for you aside from black men. Get your minds right and figure out how to exist inside the house and our community again.
You’re really great at attacking Black women. If it wasn’t for Black women, there would be no Black community at all. I could really go in on Black men, but I don’t have that much time. But I’ll start by saying, if you bring kids into this world, take care of them. Stop killing other Black men. Lynching is no longer necessary because of the self-destuctive behavior of Black “men”. Stop viewing being well-educated as “acting white”. What the hell has feminism to do with the aformentioned? NOTHING!
@ bottom line
Cosign!!! This was the realest comment! Black men aren’t always the problem….black women seriously need to evaluate themselves and their behavior….
@SHELLBEE
Miss, there is no black community, so your comment is rather self-damning. There can be no community without men in leadership. Females are dominated by their emotions. The fact of the matter is that women do not even get along with other women, so there is no place that a woman can lead anyone or anything if you don’t even like your damn self lol. There is nothing that satisfies a woman more than a good husband and her child/children; not your silly careers, degrees…nothing. You were created to bring forth the man’s seed and be at his side, not to get your own glory and obsess over thoughts of dominating the man. That is why you are all so damn unhappy lol. It’s rather stark how the things that you rant about pertaining to the black man have all skyrocketed since the black female feminist movement that made single parent homes the norm….and you can throw black male h*mosexuality in there as well. At the end of the day the beef is not with the black woman. She is a pawn. Genesis 3rd chapter and I Tim 2:14 tell us this. The issue is with the puppet master and the Lord will deal with him.
WHY YOU’RE NOT MARRIED………………You want to get married. It’s taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud — even in your mind — feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you’re hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.
You’ve never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.
Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother’s wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started to hate the bride — she was so effing happy — and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you’re not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering… Deep, deep breath… Why you’re not married.
Well, I know why.
How? It basically comes down to this: I’ve been married three times. Yes, three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister’s son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.
I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married. Growing up in foster care is a big part of it. The need for security made me look for very specific traits in the men I dated — traits it turns out lead to marriage a surprisingly high percentage of the time. Without really trying to, I’ve become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships — someone who’s had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.
But I won’t lie. The problem is not men, it’s you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they’re not really standing in your way. Because the fact is — if whatever you’re doing right now was going to get you married, you’d already have a ring on it. So without further ado, let’s look at the top six reasons why you’re not married.
1. You’re a Bitch.
Here’s what I mean by bitch. I mean you’re angry. You probably don’t think you’re angry. You think you’re super smart, or if you’ve been to a lot of therapy, that you’re setting boundaries. But the truth is you’re pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it’s scaring men off.
The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here’s what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn’t think so. You’ve seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man’s fear and insecurity in order to get married — but actually, it’s perfect, since working around a man’s fear and insecurity is big part of what you’ll be doing as a wife.
2. You’re Shallow.
When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.
Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.
3. You’re a Slut.
Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore — but they’re not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you’re having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin — it doesn’t stay recreational for long.
That’s due in part to this thing called oxytocin — a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm — that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It’s why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn’t even all that great and the next thing you know, you’re totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that’s how it happened. And since nature can’t discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you’re going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.
4. You’re a Liar.
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he’s not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he’s married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, “I’m not really available for a relationship right now.”
You know if you tell him the truth — that you’re ready for marriage — he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don’t want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don’t want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!
About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don’t tell him that. That’s your secret — just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can’t live without you. I have news: he will never “figure” this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn’t be lying to him in the first place.
5. You’re Selfish.
If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.
Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.
6. You’re Not Good Enough.
Oh, I don’t think that. You do. I can tell because you’re not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.
Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don’t know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won’t love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.
I see this at my son’s artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you’re trying to be. They’re attractive, sure. They’re just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.
Alright, so that’s the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won’t. Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.
Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession — a free-agent penis — and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
Love.
Tracy McMillan is a TV writer whose credits include Mad Men and The United States of Tara. Her memoir I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway is now available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books. She lives in Los Angeles with her 13-year-old son. Follow her on Twitter………http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html
All of you guys sound ignorant and crazy. I do not oppose interracial relationships. A person has a right to date/marry whoever they want to. However, i do not believe the media. The media makes up stories and tells 50% truth. I do believe there are good black men out here. P.s don’t things suppose to be easier for black men because of the fact that their MEN. Men rule the world they have favor us women will never have. I’m not a man so i don’t understand a man’s struggle.
That’s a lie,things are easier for black woman,not black men,
Really? Smh at this garbage. Marriage is a choice of eternal love and commitment with the partner of your choosing. This decision should not be determined by the color of anyone’s skin, but by the content of a person’s heart, and whether they’ve earned the right to hold yours or not.
Robin Thicke and Paula Patten make a wonderful couple. Yes I thank him for putting in a good word for the black male community BUT it is ultimately the black women’s choice of who she wants to spend her life with. If a black women has been hurt so many times by a black male, and feels it necessary to date a white male, and gets treated better by the white male and wants to be with him, then so be it. But then again you have to realize that the situation can very likely be vice versa.
Whether white, black, puerto rican, mexican, latino, or etc, every man is different and there is at least a few good men in every race. It all boils down to when you meet that person, and what happens after someone takes the intiative. Some people might not like to take the chance to go outside of what they’re used to, but every one is not all the same. The next choice could be better or worse, than the previous, you never know until you think outside the box, and this isn’t just for black women, it’s for women everywhere. Now I thought this knowledge would be common sense. But this racism crap is hillarious, smh at some of this ignorance.
Who is he to give black women advice on how to keep a black man? Better yet his half breed wife did exactly what the law professor suggested and married his wanna be behind. He can keep his comments to himself.
Life is lonely and sometimes even boring. You may need a fresh thing to excite your mind. My best friend ,she met a sexy man and they love each other! they date via online dating -casualloving dot c’0M-it’s the most effective site in the world to connect with, to find intimate encounters.There you may easily have free scamming with charming and sexy girls or handsome men….Hope you like it!Good luck!
Black people WAKE UP! You don’t hear other races telling their own kind to go date blacks. Most non blacks can’t even take their black girlfriend/boyfriend home to meet their family because they were raised in a racist environment. I’ve been saying for a long time, that the media has an agenda. Why is there so much FOCUS on a black woman’s dating status? They don’t focus on us when we go MISSING we get very little NEWS COVERAGE if any at all MAKE SENSE? The only reason why they’re doing this is to further destroy the black community not because they care. Whites start the fire then they sit back and watch the fire spread by using BLACKS to further PERPETUATE MYTHS.
@blackmann is always going crazy with the comments LOL SMH
Black women have always been loyal to the black man, we have been and still is the backbone of the black family, so instead of always putting down black women we should praise them and commend them. As for interacial relationships black men have decided to continously look outside their race for a black woman in white skin, the ones that do complain of black women. Still go and look for black attributes in white skin. Marriage is not only for white people I hope nobody is taking this stupid comment seriously and the divoce rates among the whites is alarming.
I was on youtube and happened to come across a video talking about “The Dilution of the Black family”. It discussed how the media is now trying to promote interracial dating/marriage with blacks so that later on in years, the black race will eventually, in a sense, “wipe out”.
I don’t know why everything has to be a racial divide…love shouldn’t be broken down to a science or a statistic…heck people shouldn’t be broken down into statistics. Everyone has a different views and opinions of the world and shouldn’t generalize. That will keep us down instead of lifting us up. I’m not a statistic I’m waaaaaaaaaaayyy more than that. Thank you!
I am deeply saddened to hear the ignorance of my black community, my family. I believe Robin Thicke has a valid point that spouses, “partners”, boyfriends / girlfriends really should respect, care, love and hear eachother out.
In terms of the whole idea of this article, I feel that it is stupid. Will you people on this website and everywhere OUR black community is online please stop with the belief that the WHITE MAN or any one else is trying to undermine us.
Why should someone’s race matter? Love is like oxygen, It doesn’t matter. I have been in relationships with men of all colors and I can clearly tell you good men, amazing woman do exist in all colors.
WE as a people have to stop being so ignorant and believing that we should only date with in our race
or that someone is trying to undermine us. Only as a
people can we open our eyes and realize our mistake
in these beliefs.
wow. Judah sounds like a warrior of Sharia law…those men who choose the womans spouse are often the same men who cut off the labia and/or clitoris of their daughters in an attempt to keep them docile and under their control.
sad
excuse me Sharia law? what are you talking about? he was quoting the bible.
@(*_*)
How can I sound like a “warrior of Sharia law” when I cited the Bible lol? I notice that many of you black females (assuming you’re black) are fascists. If you don’t like or understand a comment above your level of comprehension, you make up lies or you demand that the person be “moderated” lol. You sound like an insecure female with pen!s envy. “Female circumcision” is a forbidden practice according to the Bible (Deut 14:1). Just by your statement you imply that females should be out of control lol, which again, is why males in their right mind ARE NOT MARRYING YOU. Where do you think the terminology of a father “giving his daughter away” or “walking her down the aisle” comes from. It is ritualistic now, but it comes from the actual practice of a man passing the rights of his daughter over to her husband. Divorce is high in the countries where your god, the caucasian man, has imparted his cultural ways and laws of confusion. Females here in America are “abused, r@ped, and subjected to ‘negativity’ every day of their lives”….it’s called whoredom and the television.
@SAMIRA
Lol, thank you. (*_*) cannot deal with the truth so she/it must add false premises and false affiliations to my statements. Nowhere did I quote the damn “Koran” lol. As a matter of fact, I’ve never heard anyone quote the Koran, not even so-called “Muslims”. Even they quote the Bible because the truth is in the scriptures (John 17:17). The Bible gives us the formula to prosperity through balance. These females want what they’ll never get because they have no discipline, and they’re really not supposed to. It is up to the black male to awake from his stupor.
and make no mistake. Divorce is high in some mid eastern countries and not so high in others only because the women have no rights. IF they are granted divorce they cant have their children (no matter the sex) so they choose to stay in homes where they are abused, raped,subjected to negativity every day of their lives.
are you kidding me. Or maybe those women respect their husbands thats why the divorce rate is so low. Whats wrong with that?
sorry for my bad english but I live in Europe .
@SAMIRA
Again, thank you. The fact that you live outside of the U.S. explains alot of the sense that you’re speaking. The females in America, for the most part, are under intense demonic possession, and any man in their right mind (particularly black men) will deal with them with EXTREME CARE AND CAUTION lol.
“Black women are the most segregated group in our society when it comes to relationships.”
Bullshit…Black Women date outside there race more often than any Asian person i have ever seen. There are quite a few obvious groups of people that would be considered more segregated. I Call bullshit…
@Judah- You’re not going to ever get me to take you seriously by quoting from a book of fairytales written hundreds of years ago to keep the ignorant under control. BTW, why does a RIGHTEOUS BLACK MAN *chuckles* waste his time on such frivolity as an entertainment blog. Seems like you’d be out doing something righteous and wise. LMAO!
@SHELLBEE
“Righteous black man”? Thank you. I appreciate that. Only children and people with no direction waste their time miss. I invest my time, and we both know that if knowledge and rationale was your platform, you would never have typed your original nonsensical commentary, so a book of “fairytales” should be right up your alley lol. The validity of the Bible is an entirely disparate conversation, but anyone who states that the Bible is not based in history has already reavealed themself lol. The Bible is the only first-hand historical treatise on the planet earth which has never been disproven. There is no entity or empire in the scriptures which/who is has not been found in conventional archaeology. You “black people” who have embraced this so-called “education system” have so many demons on you because you have no idea “why” things occur, so you worship your opinion, which amounts to nothing lol.
@ Troop 6:52am
i agree with you 100%, constant encouraging of black women to date outside their race (which there’s nothing wrong with it, if that’s what you want to do) but here’s the kicker, the only race they ever mention is white men. there are so many other races of men out there. it just behooves me as to why white media and government are so enthralled with the marital status of black women. i also suspect an underlying agenda.
There are so many good points that have been made that I need not elaborate. Just consider the source of this article. This article is intended to cause Black people to place the blame on on another. To attack, degrade and destroy one another. Don’t fall victim to the trap. All people are entitled to date who they see fit but I must declare that Black is beautiful. I am a single Black female and I am not threatend by these statistics. There are amazing Black men in this world. No one is perfect. I have had my fair share of troubles with men but I WILL NOT identify it as a RACE problem. We are all human and subject, heck.. guarenteed to error, failure, straight up sin. Some of us just fell a little further than others. White people have problems too, we just dont see the network television special about it.
Have your own mind people! Do your own research!
some might say this is a conspiracist theory, but sometime ago during the 60′s, the government flooded black communities with drugs (a movie was made about it), which had a direct affect on the destruction of the black family (husband, wife, children). as drugs spiraled out of control in the black community, so did the decline of the black family. this was during the civil rights movement with dr. king and malcom x. black people had more pride and unity among themselves. what’s being seen now in he black communities is the result of that drug infiltration. now, that the black community is in tatters, pitting black women against black men and vice versa, the government comes in with their propaganda that the only solution, is for black women to marry white men. dilution of the black race does seem to be the objective. it’s like gentrification, only with people. you destroy it as much as you can then rebuild with something different or new. this is the second mutational change, the first was when black women were raped by white men during slavery. now, they want you to come willingly( even if it is covert coercion). yeah, this movement is no accident, it was well thought out and planed by the governtment.
I am a black woman raising black young men as a single parent, and I pray and hope I raise them correctly on how to be good black men. However, in my experience black men are very stereo typical, materialistic and arrogant. Half of them don’t know a good black women if they see one. I am one and in Colorado black women don’t stand a chance. As I said before Colorado is the interracial dating capital of the world ( not written) but my opinion. Black men only want white women, so what can we do as black women, we have to sit back and take, then that way we don’t look bitter, and try to keep it moving. I love black men but I’m getting older, not younger
I am a black woman raising black young men as a single parent, and I pray and hope I raise them correctly on how to be good black men. However, in my experience black men are very stereo typical, materialistic and arrogant. Half of them don’t know a good black women if they see one. I am one and in Colorado black women don’t stand a chance. As I said before Colorado is the interracial dating capital of the world ( not written) but my opinion. Black men only want white women, so what can we do as black women, we have to sit back and take it, then that way we don’t look bitter, and try to keep it moving. I love black men but I’m getting older, not younger, and if the right man maybe even a woman comes along I just may take a chance. Life is too short. Don’t get me wrong I’m open to staying single too, we don’t all want to be in a Relationship. I won’t settle. I don’t care if your black, blue, yellow or green.
@SURPRISE
It’s not that you won’t settle, it’s that you most probably let your nasty attitude write checks that mind couldn’t cash and now your desperate. You reveal that when you call black men “arrogant” which translates as you couldn’t find a black man that would tolerate your nonsense. How can you say that you won’t settle, and then you say that you don’t care if the man is blue, green, yellow, or a female lmao? So much for people being “born g@y” lol. I feel sorry for your sons when you move that aquamarine colored King Latifah into your house. Black females like to complain about black men dating interracially after it dawns on them that the only person that they’re smiting are themselves. Women outnumber men 10-1, so if you think that you’re going to steal the men of the other races, you are very sadly mistaken. The only alternative for most of the females that buy into the tricknology of the mainstream media will be l*sbianism, which is self-mockery and pen!s envy at it’s finest.
“aquamarine colored King Latifah” dead! @Judah, love your commentary! It comes from such a unique but truthful place. You need to make a blog! @Blackmann take notes!
@ Judah don’t feel sorry for my sons for you don’t know them (Thank god you don’t) to each his own as I said, you are obviously single and lonely your self as a blackman, since you spend most of your time on CL commenting on everyone eles’s opinion just like Blackmann. It’s probably men like you and blackmann who make a blackwoman date outside of their race. And you judge me by my comment on my attitude, really, when You potray just what I said in blackmen ARROGANCE. I never said I couldn’t find a blackman as a matter fact, I meet white and blackmen, old and young everyday!! Again I’m still not going to settle, and I don’t need a man (white or black) to validate me as a blackwoman. Me DESPERATE please~ never that. However, i will leave my options open to date whom I deem fit for me. I was NOT born gay, but I do have a right to be with who I want, just like you. Remember what they say, people who are homophobes are the main ones who are curious. LOL! have a good day!!!!!
What you eat don’t make me shyt… and vice versa.. To each is own.. People have their issues…There is someone one for everyone.. After watching a Divorce Court Marathon, it looks like it’s not for anyone! LOL The comments are all over the place for no reason! People trying to get deep by lumping everyone in one group. Everyone is in love,until they find the next one, and it’s the same thing over again. I can’t argue about someone else’s life… And that’s what’s being done on this thread.
So then why did you comment? The statement that “there’s someone out there for everyone” lol. How do you know that? If that’s the case, why are so many black females single. Clearly, that is a false premise.
At the end of the day… He get it from his momma!!
What is the “it” that he’s “getting from his momma”? Bad credit? Wasn’t that a Juvenile song lol & smh? Why is it that you black women get all your “wisdom” from R&B and rap songs or Oprah Winfrey?
Marriage is for those who want, find a mate who has the same wants, and together they work hard to keep it. Marriage knows no color.
Robin Thicke fine ass hell….
I love me some Robin Thicke. Be with who ever make u HAPPY..
I think black women could change the game if we really put our minds to it. You can make a man marry you if you wanted to do so. We compromise and give into the black mans treatment of babymommahood and free sex without commitment. White women will make them marry them and they do most everytime. We are so called more educated than black men with all this college education but we cant make men have more respect and marry us. white women expect commitment shortly after dating and get it and they expect to be married and get it from both white and black men. Its how they are cultured with this expectation and will become offended if they are not respected more despite how many white women you say you know that arent married. I am talking about statistically, look at their ring fingers, if they dont have a ring, most of teh time they had one in their lifetime. As opposed to black woman, we will tolerate this black man mess for years and will hardly ask: where is this going, what am I to you, is there a future, is this a waste of time, if this is not going anywhere then we need to take some time apart or go seperate ways, am I not good enough to marry or commit to, am i not good enough as any other married woman, etc. We need to get offended more at their lack of commitment and laziness playing your mind for free consistent sex usary. Its all about allowing a black man to over assert what he is going to do with you and not the other way around and we settle for it and we end up single. But its alot black men unmarried also, count the number of black men in any store without wedding bands. This is why the black community is hurt more because we do crap like this and bring negative mess on our own selves by ourselves. White folk dont owe us any apology, we owe ourselves an apology for our mess up mentality and behaviors. We dont reap the benefits of marriage- its another reason why we are hit harder by the fall of the economy because we have more single family households as opposed to 2 working adults. So if anyone loses their job, there is no other source of income in the home because there is no husband or wife justr one person overworked and become susepticle to stress diseases like hypertension and poor eating rushed, quick eating habits which bring about disease and dec lifespan. Kids reap the negatives of no father such as being at risk for molestation, abuse, abandonment etc- that is if the father isnt the abuser. We have higher rate STD because spending more years unmarried and therefore more sex partners is a single persons lifespan as opposed to typically less partners if one is committed in marriage. The black community have been doing too much of the wrong things continually and we reap the negatives continually. Why do other poor people dont have these same stats. Until we change by personal responsibility and changing these attitudes and ways that will trickle down and change the culture from black violent non marrying ways. Marriage isnt everything but its better than what we have been doing which isnt working at all. So its is better for a black woman to not wait. It would be better on her health, stress, STD rate, income, kids, etc Got to start thinking about you and not skin, skin is not going to help you if you lose your job or keep you warm at night, honor you, raise your kids, etc. Stop thinking about skin and think about you.
Sick of all this black mess. Black men wont do this and that….. white men checking for black women but dont have the guts to date black women more openly because they are scared and their white mommas wont allow that black girl calling their house and white women in his family will have a fit, etc. Black men keep filling their white racist superiority complex with black women bashing to make their white women feel more secure and feed ther superiority BS. Maybe all black men will marry white women and all black women will marry white men and there wont be anymore of this black race BS. We the only race that act like this, the only one in the world. Other races date outside their race but not like black folk and then hate on each other to excuse it away. Some black BS, we always coming up with some new black mentality mess… one days its drugs, the next single parenting…and now black bashing to date outside your race mess. Maybe if we eradicate our ownselves via interracial dating/mating instead letting the STD, violence, and self hate do it, it would be better to get rid of this stupid blac mess. The world wont miss our black BS. Such a trifling race.
Media loves talking about Black women-almost as much as Judah, lol.
I Dont mind that the media is showing Black women step outside of their race on the dating scene, because I think that exploring other options is ok You never know who your true love is going to be, but I do think that They should also focus on portraying Black nuclear families and couples as well. It should be a balance not just one or the other, I agree with Mr. Thicke there are still some decent Black Men out there and we are not all dogs and honestly black women have been persuaded to believe otherwise and thats the disconnect i believe their is an angle in the media to exclude images and portrayals of healthy loving Black couples. And you guys should lay off Robin He and Paula have been together since they were kids so their relationship is solid and is not based on black or white.
@blackman & judah:
My hubby 7 years is white, my 2 children are mixed, I’m a chocolate AA woman. I’m not unhappy and my children will know who they are and where they’ve come from; that includes slavery and civil rights. It’s pretty easy to see Judah’s & Blackman’s comments come from one who is utterly lonely to the brink of hatred towards black women that seek out and expand their horizons. If all we have to look forward to is you, we’d marry those crackers/white pale faces, etc. in a hot minute if they make us happy.
When I look at my hand, I see a ring on my finger, a happy home, healthy children, a man who respects and takes care of me and mines.
I don’t need to reason why the world feels the way it does & I don’t have to take into consideration how you or anyone else feels. I’m happy for me.
You’ll probably drag up more dreary comments to justify your anger, but in the end, you both probably sleep alone.
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